Celebrity Jokes

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Spielberg Fan (Celebrity Jokes)
One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get outta here. "The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese".

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship.

"Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

You'll be Fine... (Celebrity Jokes)
A surgeon went to check on his very famous patient after an operation. She was awake, so he examined her. " You'll be fine," he said. She asked, "How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again Doctor? The Surgeon seemed to pause which alarmed the girl. "Whats the matter Doctor? I will be alright wont I?"

He replied, Yes , you'll be fine Miss Lewinski. Its just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsills out."

God (Celebrity Jokes)
A confused nine year old boy goes up to his mother and asks:

"Is God male or female?" After thinking a moment, Mom responds: "Well, God is both male and female." This confuses the little boy so he asks: "Is God black or white?" "Well," Mom says, "God is both black and white."

This further confuses the boy so he asks: "Is God gay or straight?" "Honey," Mom says, "God is both gay and straight."

So the kid thinks about if for a while, then asks: "Mom... Is God Michael Jackson?"

Yearly Check-up! (Celebrity Jokes)
Hillary Clinton went in for her yearly check-up. When it was finished, she asked her doctor, "How is everything."

He responded, "I'm very pleased and you are in great shape, and happy to announce that you are pregnant."

"No way!" she exclaimed.

He assured, "You are most definitely pregnant."

She stormed out of the examining room, grabbed the receptionist's phone and dialed the private line to the Oval Office.

Bill answered the phone and she shouted, "I can't believe it! I'm pregnant! You got me pregnant!"

The president didn't say anything, so she continued to scream, "Didn't you hear me? I'm pregnant! You got me pregnant!"

Hesitantly, the president said, "Um...Who IS This?"

Titanic vs Clinton Video (Celebrity Jokes)
Titanic Video vs Clinton Video

TITANIC VIDEO: $9.99 on Internet.
CLINTON VIDEO: $9.99 on Internet.

TITANIC VIDEO: Over 3 hours long.
CLINTON VIDEO: Over 3 hours long.

TITANIC VIDEO: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, a subsequent catastrophe.
CLINTON VIDEO: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, a subsequent catastrophe.

TITANIC VIDEO: Villain: White Star Line.
CLINTON VIDEO: Villain: Ken Starr.

TITANIC VIDEO: Jack is a starving artist.
CLINTON VIDEO: Bill is a B.S. artist.

TITANIC VIDEO: In one part, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
CLINTON VIDEO: Ditto for Bill.

TITANIC VIDEO: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
CLINTON VIDEO: Ditto for Monica.

TITANIC VIDEO: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
CLINTON VIDEO: Let's not go there.

TITANIC VIDEO: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
CLINTON VIDEO: Monica's forced to return her gifts.

TITANIC VIDEO: Behind the scenes: Leonardo DiCaprio is wildly popular.
CLINTON VIDEO: Behind the scenes: Bill Clinton's approval rating is at 70 percent.

TITANIC VIDEO: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
CLINTON VIDEO: Bill goes home to Hillary.

Michael Jackson get arrested (Celebrity Jokes)
Question: Why did Michael Jackson get arrested by the cops?

Answer: He unzipped his Billy Jeans, pulled out his Thriller, and told the cops to Beat It!


Good Luck (Celebrity Jokes)
One of the first things that Neil Armstrong said after landing on the moon was “Good Luck Mr Gorsky.” Nobody understood what this meant, so after he came back from his successful trip, newspapermen asked him the meaning of this. But, Mr. Armstrong declined to comment because of personal reasons. Twenty years later in a press conference, when a press guy asked him about this comment once again, he agreed to reveal it.

When Neil Armstrong was a kid, he was playing baseball in his backyard with his friends. One of the homeruns that he hit went high up in the air and landed near the neighbour's bedroom window. When he went to fetch the ball, he heard the neighbours screaming at the top of her voice: "Oral Sex!!! How dare you? You want Oral Sex??? You'll get it when the boy next door lands on the moon." The neighbour was Mr Gorsky.