Sports Jokes

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Ajit and Robert (Sports Jokes)
Ajit is watching cricket match of India vs.Pakistan. Kapil is bowling and Imran is batting. Pakistan needs 18 runs in 3 balls.

Ajit : Rabert Kapil se kehna ek khatarnak Beemer daalde aur Imran ko out karde.

Rabert : Ok boss Robert goes to Kapil and tells the message.

Kapil nods and bowls but Imran hits it for a six!

Ajit : Rabert ab Kapil se kehna ek khatarnak Yorker daalde aur Imran kaa kaam tamam karde.

Rabert : Ok boss He goes to Kapil and tells the message.

Kapil nods and bowls but Imran again hits it for a six again. Now just one ball and six runs to win.

Rabert : Boss ab Kapil se jaake kya kehna hai?

Ajit : Ab Kapil se kuch mat kehna. Imran se jaake kehna ki uski maa aur beewi hamare kabje mein hai!

Winning Run (Sports Jokes)
Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened.
"So, how did you do, son?" he asked.
"You'll never believe it!" Billy said. "I was responsible for the winning run!"
"Really? How'd you do that?"
"I dropped the ball."

Site Screen Problem (Sports Jokes)
In a Cricket Test Match between India and the West Indies, the fiery Wes Hall was sending quivers down the Indian spine. The new batsman walked slowly to the crease, not feeling unlike a lamb at the slaughter house.

As the great bowler thundered in, suddenly he stood up in the crease, and signalled that he wanted the sight screen adjusted. Adjustments were made and the bowler was ready to come in again.

Once again, in the middle of his run-up, the batsman found something disturbing in the sight screen. Indeed, this went on a few times before the irritated umpire walked up to the batsman and enquired, "Where do you want the sight screen, for God's sake?"

The batsman asked, with an ounce of fear, "Could I have it between him and me?"

The Golf Pro (Sports Jokes)
A golf pro caught up with a threesome and asked if he could join them for the rest of the round. The guys agreed under one condition: that he would let them know what they were doing wrong. He agreed.

The first golfer told the pro that he had a bad slice. The pro told him to hit and he would analyze his swing. He proceeded to hit a major slice. He turned to the pro for advice and the pro informed him it was his LOFT.

The second golfer informed the pro that he had the opposite problem; a bad hook. He got on the tee and proceeded to hit this ugly duck hook. Looking to the pro for advise, he got the same advice as his friend. "It's your LOFT."

The third golfer, who was a big, burly guy, said that he really struggled with this part of the game. He took a big, aggressive swing and almost missed the ball. He topped it and it rolled about 100 yards down the middle. Looking to the pro for advice, he was told, it too, was his LOFT.

Finally, the first golfer turned to the pro: "What in the hell is going on. I sliced the ball, he hooked it and he topped it, and you said it was our LOFT, how can that be?"

The pro looked at the golfers and said, "LOFT stands for Lack Of Freaking Talent!"

Cricket Quiz (Sports Jokes)
Try to answer if you can......... based on minimum no of clues...!


Clue no: 1 - In an Historic match between India and England, he served as a captain.....



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Clue no: 2 - He was the Opening bowler in that match....



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Clue no: 3 - He was also the Opening batsman in that match....



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Clue no: 4 - He is the one who bowled the last ball of his innings....



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Clue no: 5 - He was the one who faced the last ball of the innings....



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Still you didn't get it...... oops.....


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Clue no: 6 - He took the last wicket of the innings.....



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Clue no: 7 - He was the man of match in that particular match....



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Okay atleast after this easy one


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Clue no: 8 - He won the match for his team by hitting a sixer in the last ball........



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Okay Let the genius answer it....



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It is..........




Aamir Khan in Lagaan!

Thoughts (Sports Jokes)
HER DIARY ---------

Friday night, I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior, I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too." When we got home I felt as if I ad lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV, he seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed.

About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is a disaster.



HIS DIARY ---------

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Today India again lost the cricket match. DAMN IT.

Cricket in Heaven (Sports Jokes)
Sachin Tendulkar and Sourav Ganguly, now pretty old guys, 75 and 80 years old, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about cricket, like they do every day.

Sachin turns to Sourav and says, "Do you think there's cricket in heaven?"

Ganguly thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal: if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's cricket in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same." They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Sachin passes on.

One day soon afterward, Ganguly is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sourav... Sourav!"

Ganguly responds, "Sachin! Is that you?"

"Yes it is, Sourav," whispers Sachin's ghost.

Ganguly, still amazed, asks, "So, is there cricket in heaven?" "Well," says Sachin, "I've got good news and bad news." "Gimme the good news first," says Ganguly.

Sachin says, "Well... there is cricket in heaven." Ganguly says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"

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"You and me, We are going to open the innings on Friday."

Interesting Fact (Sports Jokes)
We thought our Indian players didnt play well..it was ALL in the name!

Teams that went to the Super Six : Australia, India, Kenya, Sri Lanka, New Zealand and Zimbabwe

Semi Finals: Only countries whose name ended with A went into the Semi-Finals

1. Australia
2. India
3. Kenya
4. Sri Lanka

(New Zealand and Zimbabwe did not have A at their end)

Finals: Only countries whose names ended with IA went into the Final

1. Australia
2. India

(Kenya and Sri Lanka did not have IA at their end)


Who took the Cup ? : KisneWorld Cup "Lia" ? Austra"lia"

Who gave the Cup ? : Kisne World Cup "Dia" ? In"dia"

Hi Inzmam (Sports Jokes)
After the shameful defeat of pakistani cricket team with india in 03 worldcup at south africa, the team members were not able to show their faces to people and they chose not to go in public and rather just pack up in hotel rooms.

Inzmam could not resist for too long to be in hometown and still not be able to go out shopping and have fun. So he disguises himself as a Sardar and goes out. he meets a woman at the exit of the hotel who greets him "Hi Imzmam !"

Surprised for having been caught he comes back and makes himself up as a muslim woman - in Burkha etc and goes out. Yet same again - the same woman greets him "Hi Inzmam!".

Inzmam comes back determined to give it yet another try with the make up of a Hippie wig and shorts etc. All in vain - the same lady catches him again and greets him "Hi Inzmam!". Bewildered by now, he could not help asking, "How did you recongise me?"

The lady replied - "I am Sohib Aktar!"

Anything to Win (Sports Jokes)
On the day of the local cricket match, the captain was talking to one of his men. 'Look, here's a pound,' he said. 'Go out and buy a new ball or something. Anything that'll help us win.'

The match began and the captain noticed that the same old ball was being used.

He called his man over. 'What did you do with the pound?' he asked. 'Well, you said anything to help us win.'

'Yes.'

'I gave it to the umpire.'

Net Practice (Sports Jokes)
The standard of batting in the local cricket team was very low. Even at the net practice, they couldn't hit a thing. Finally, the captain rushed forward and grabbed the bat.

'Now bowl me some fast ones!' he yelled.

Six fast balls came down in quick succession and the captain missed them all.

Not to be put off he glared at the team and shouted, 'Now that's what you're all doing. Get in there and hit them!'

New Book Releases (Sports Jokes)
Indian Cricket Authors

1. How to lose a winning match - Md.Azharuddin.
2. Why not bowling - Nayan Mongia
3. Fielding tips - Anil Kumble
4. Bowling at slog - J.Srinath
5. Not in mood - Ajit Agarkar
6. Batting my style - Venkatesh Prasad
7. Old is gold - Robin Singh
8. Summer holidays - Nikhil Chopra, Khurasia
9. One Night Stands: 280 to 28 in 5 matches - VVS Laxman
10. Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow - Harsha Bhogale
11. Wicketkeeping: A Complete Idiots Guide - Deep Dasgupta
12. It wasn't me - Kapil Dev and Manoj Prabhakar

Dada (Sports Jokes)
Dada (Saurav Ganguly) again in Focus

Q. What's Rahul Dravid's latest statement about Dada?
A. "In the pavilion, first there's God and then there's Dada".


Q. What's Dada's favorite Engilsh movie?
A. Gone in 60 Seconds


Q. Whats Dada's favorite hindi movie?
A. AA Aab laut chalen.


Q. Whats Dada's favorite song?
A. Ek pal ka Jeena .. Phir to hai jana (Kaho na pyar hai)


Q. Whats Dada's favorite food?
A. Maggie (offcourse.. He puts Maggie noodles in a pan before going to bat and he comes back just in time when it is ready)


Q. Dada teaching his daughter ABC..
A. A for Awkward bounce, B for Bowled, C for caught.


Q. what is the similarity between 100 m race and Dada's innings?
A. Both take same time to complete.


Q. Easiest way to get Dada out?
A. Just bowl to him .. He will get out anyway.


Q. Why did Dada decide to donate his Bat?
A. He doesn't use it anyways.


Q. Who can beat Dada's record of 2 min at crease?
A. Dada himself if he can improve his running speed!

Dirty Golf (Sports Jokes)
Top 10 things that are dirty in golf but arent:
10. Nuts . . . my shaft is bent.
9. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
7. Look at the size of his putter.
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.
5. Mind if I join your threesome.
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
3. My hands are so sweaty I cant get a good grip.
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.
1. Hold up . . . I need to wash my balls first!

Shopping (Sports Jokes)
It's the end of the day at a cricket tournament in Sharjah and India as usual has lost yet another game to Pakistan.

At that very moment Mohammad Azharuddin gets a call from his wife. She says, "Darling, have you bought all the gifts that I had asked you to get for me?" He replies, "Well, I'd really like to, but the crowd outside is waiting to beat me up, so I can't leave my hotel room."

His wife replies, "That's no problem, honey. Just dress yourself as a lady. You should have no problem leaving the hotel." Azhar does just that and goes shopping around. No one recognizes him anywhere until he reaches the last shop. That's when he hears a cheery, "Hi Azhar, it's nice to see you here!"

Totally shocked, he turns around to see a lady in a burkha. "How the heck did you know that it was me?"

The lady replies, "Don't worry yaar. It's me, Rahul."

Gavaskar - A Movie (Sports Jokes)
When Gavaskar finds out that there has been released, a movie, in Australia called "Gavaskar", he is very happy. He plans to watch it and gets a ticket for Australia at once. With great difficulty he manages to get a ticket and very happily he goes to see the movie. But when he comes out of the cinema he is very angry!

He goes straight to the director of the movie and says, "What do you mean by this? You named your movie 'Gavaskar', but didn't show anything about me in it!".

The director of the movie laughs and says, "So now you understand the problem? You people too made a movie called "Border", but did you show anything about Allan Border in it?"

Bad golf day (Sports Jokes)
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.

Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.

We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball........stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake.

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"

Stance?? (Sports Jokes)
A woman playing golf was stung by a bee. Afraid she'd have an allergic reaction, she ran back to the clubhouse to find the pro.

Finding him, she says breathlessly, "I've been stung by a bee! What shall I do?"

"Where were you stung?" the pro asks.

"Between the first and second hole!"

"Lady, we gotta work on your stance."

Cricket Fan (Sports Jokes)
Once upon a time there was an Indian, he was a cricket fan. India was playing a cricket match at wankhede stadium, but on the same day his wife was having a delivery he had no wishes of missing the match so he decided to watch the match and visit his wife later on.

The match began, two quick wickets fell. The fan was dissappointed and he remembered his wife he picked up the phone and quickly dialed number.

He wanted to call the hospital but accidently called up the stadium, he asked the man on the other end thinking him to be the doctor "so what's the result?"

The man replied "It's still in process, two are out nine are left and the last one was a duck!"

Damn Yankees... (Sports Jokes)
Three baseball fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk.

Out of respect and propriety, the Cubs fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast.

The Red Sox fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast.

Following their lead, the Yankees fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch.

The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection. First, he lifted up the Cubs cap, replaced it, and wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted the Sox cap, replaced it, and wrote down some more notes. The officer then lifted the Yankees cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced one last time.

The Yankees fan was getting upset and finally asked, "What are you, a pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?

"Well", said the officer, "I am simply surprised. Normally when I look under a Yankees hat, I find an asshole."