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Adult Hindi Jokes

Gandpatrai….. Gandpatrai…..
A Bihari GANPAT-RAI (who really needs a job) is being interviewed by Britisher, Colonel Smith.
Col. Smith: Haan toh Gaand Fat rahai (Ganpat-Rai) !!
Bihari: Nahi sir, Zyada nahi!!
Col. Smith: Kya ‘zyada nahi’ bolta hai, tumhara application mein likha Hua hai Gand fat rahai.
Bihari : Theekh hai mai baap, likha hai to fat raha hoga.
Col. Smith: Tum Daily marata hai (tum delhi me rahta hai)?
Bihari : Nahi sir, kabhi kabhi!!
Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, idhar aao, kya ‘kabhi kabhi’ bolta hai? Tumhara application mein likha hua hai ki tum Daily marata hai.
Bihari : Theek hai mai bap, likha hai to marta honga.
The Bihari was employed on one condition that he will do whatever Col.Smith’s family asks him to do.
Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai!!
Ganpatrai : Ji maalik.
Col. Smith: Aaj tum ko 3 kaam karnee kaa haai
Ganpatrai : Hukum Sarkaar
Col. Smith: Tum pehla hamaari beti ko chodenga (drop her off)…baad mein hamaari biwi ko chodenga…aur uske baad mein hum ko chodenga.
Ganpatrai : Maaf karna Sarkaar, tumhari biwi aur beti to theek hai, lekin main aap ko nahi choddh sakta.
Col.Smith: Gand fatrahai! Tum ko hum ko chodnaa padhega.
Ganpatrai : Nahi sarkaar aisa zulum naa kare.
Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, agar tum hum ko nahi chod sakta to hum tumko nokri se nikaal denga.   
Ganpatrai : Theek hai sarkaar ….jo hukum. After a few days There is no one except
Col.Smith’swife at home. She is alone in her bedroom.While wearing her bra she is unable to Tie the knot behind.So……
Wife : Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo?
Ganpatrai : Ji Maalkin.
Wife : Gand fatrahai, hammara peeche se gaand maaro (gaanth maro-tie the bra knot).
Ganpatrai : Yeh kya keh rahi hai Maalkin??
Wife : Gand fatrahai, jaldi se gaand maaro hum ko late hota hai.
Ganpatrai : Nahi Nahi Maalkin. Agar maine aisa kiya to hum ko sarkar kacha kha jayenge.
Wife : Gand fatrahai, agar tumne jaldi se hamari gaand nahi maari to hum tumko kacha kha jaayengi.
Ganpatrai : Theek hai maalkin. Jo hukum. Ganpatrai who has been frustrated by these Brits for a long time starts like a bull. Panic striken the wife tries to turn and shouts :
Wife : GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI !!! Ganpatrai :Memsaab…Gaand maarega to Gaand to phatega hiiiiiiiiiii
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Kaam Ke Aadmi Kaam Ke Aadmi
Ek pagal nanga bazar mein ghoom raha tha
Uska wo bahot bada tha,
Ek aurat ne dekha to boli
Hamara desh tarakki kaise karega
Saare kaam ke admi to pagal hai
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Nehru or Victoriya Nehru or Victoriya
P. Nehru was f**king Victoria.
On climax, Nehru droped semen on bed.
Victoria: Andar kyun nahi nikala?
Nehru: Gandhiji ne desi maal videsh bhejne ko mana kiya hai.
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Baloon Size Baloon Size
Son: (pointing to the breast) Mom ye kya hai?
Mom: Ye balloon hai.
Son: Mom aapke balloon kamwali ke balloon se chhote kyun hain?
Mom: Tune kamwali ke kab dekhe?
Son: Jab papa hawa bhar rahe the.
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Roz Roz Ka Jhanjhat Roz Roz Ka Jhanjhat
Husband : Main ye roz roz ke condom lagane ki jhanjhat se pareshan ho gaya hoon.
Wife : To phir tum lamination kyun nahi karwa lete!
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