Marriage Jokes

Marriage Jokes

Wedding Jokes or Marriage Jokes or Husband Wife Joke are the description of funny situation between husband and wife. In these type of humour generally there is a situation in which husband is tortured by his wife and joke describes it humorously. We have a good collection of funny marriage jokes. These are original and best in its category. Hope you will enjoy it. You can mail these marriage jokes to your friends or someone you want. If you have some wedding jokes please send it to us and we will display your it on our website. Also don't forget to rate these jokes because it will help us to improve our collection.

Marriage Jokes

Mother to married daugter: Anita do you know the meaning of "MANGALSUTRA",

Daughter replied yes "License to enjoy kamasutra"

Viagra pills
Viagra pills

This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat.

His wife said, "Where are you going ?" He said, "I'm going to the doctor."

And she said, "Why? Are you sick?"

"No," he said. "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills."

So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said, "Where are you going?"

She said, "I'm going to the doctor too." He said, "Why?"

She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm going to get a tetanus shot."

Used to
Used to

There was this guy who went weeping to his best friend.

The friend asked "What is the matter? Why are you crying?" He replied "Yesterday night was my first night with my wife and as I used to go to red light area, I handed my wife a hundred rupee note in the morning by mistake"

The friend said "Ok forget it, go to your wife, apologize and tell her that you will never do that again"

He replied "I am not worried about that"

The friend said: "then what is your problem?"

"My wife has given me a fifty rupeee back as change" pat came the reply.

Love, Lust, or Marriage?
Love, Lust, or Marriage?

How do you know if you're in love, in lust, or really married? For those of you who have any questions, or misplaced envy, this should clear it up:

LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - When you lose your child in crowded room.

LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love."
LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing."
MARRIAGE - What the hell are you talking about?

LOVE - When you share everything you own.
LUST - When you steal everything they own.
MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.

LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
MARRIAGE - What's a climax?

LOVE - When you write poems about your partner.
LUST - When all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE - When all you write is cheques.

LOVE - When you show concern for your partner's feelings.
LUST - When you couldn't give a &*%$
MARRIAGE -When your only concern is what's on TV.

LOVE - When your farewell is "I love you, darling..."
LUST - When your farewell is "So, same time next week..."
MARRIAGE - When your farewell is a relief.

LOVE - When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST - When you only see each other naked.
MARRIAGE - When you never see each other awake.

LOVE - When your heart flutters every time you see them.
LUST - When your groin twitches every time you see them.
MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties every time you see them.

LOVE - When nobody else matters.
LUST - When nobody else knows.
MARRIAGE - When everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.

LOVE - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST - When the song on the radio determines how you do it.
MARRIAGE - When you listen to talk radio.

LOVE - When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST - When staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE - When just getting through today is your only thought.

LOVE - When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.
LUST - When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner.
MARRIAGE - When you're only interested in your golf score.


On the wedding day bride's father hands a note to the groom... Which read.."Goods once delivered will not be taken back"

Groom gives a note to the father of the bride that read.... "Guarantee void if seal is broken"

My Husband is like a...
My Husband is like a...

Three women were talking about their love lives.

The first said, "My husband is like a Rolls-Royce, smooth and sophisticated."

The second said, "Mine is like a Porsche, fast and powerful."

The third said, "Mine is like an old Chevy. It needs a hand start and I have to jump on while it's still going."

Teacher bride
Teacher bride

Once a father of three daughter asked a man to marry with any of his daughter. The elder daughter was a teacher, second was a nurse and younger was a telephone operator. The boy met with all girls and decided to marry with elder one.

His friend asked him that "why you have decided to marry with elder one and not younger one ?" The boy replied that look dear, the telephone operator has always a habbit to say, "Please wait, you are in a queue." The nurse has always a hibbit to say, "Relaxe dear, you will be allright", but the teacher has always a habbit to say "REPEATE, REPEATE, REPEATE........"

Wedding Night
Wedding Night

A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As Emma undressed for bed, the husband (who was a > burly bruiser) tossed his pants to his bride and said, "Here, put > these on."

She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants," she said.

"That's right!" said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family!"

With that, she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He tried them on, and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecap. He said, "Hell, I can't get into your panties!"

She said, "That's right and that's the way it's going to be until your goddamned attitude changes!"

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