Sexy Jokes

Signboard outside a prostitute's house:
Married MEN not allowed.
We serve the needy, not the greedy...

Doctor to lady: Kya aap delivery k waqt bachche k baap ko apne pass dekhna chahati hain?
Lady: Nahi un ko mere husband pasand nahi karte.

Father: Qutub minar kahan hai?
Son: Pata nahi.
Father: Kabhi ghar se bhi bahar nikla karo.
Son: Suresh uncle kaun hain?
Father: Pata nahi.
Son: Kabhi ghar pe bhi ruka karo.

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift.

She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight.. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,

'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?

DAUGHTER: Mom, that man gave me $10 to climb that tree.
MOTHER: Stupid! he wanted to see your panty!
DAUGHTER: Ahah! I'm clever, I did not wear any of them!

This couple had 4 sons. The first 3 were tall, fair, redheads with blue eyes and the last one was dark, with curly hair, and short. When the man was on his deathbed, he whispered to his wife- baby, are you sure that you never cheated on me? Our last son is giving me doubts.
Wife swears that he is his son. Husband dies.
Soon after that.
Wife- Thank goodness he didn't ask about the first three sons.

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

A young girl after her honeymoon came fully exhausted and tired.
When her friends asked her what happened?
She replied : When this 70 year old bastard told me he has saved a lot from last 50 years, "I thought It was MONEY"