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Really big

Really big

A Texan went to Chicago, where he thought he would buy a new "city" outfit. He went into Marshall Fields and, when asked by a sweet young woman if she could help him, he answered, "Yes, ma'am. Ya see, I'm from Texas, and I want to buy a complete city outfit."

Her eyes lit up as she asked, "Where would you like to start?"
"Well, ma'am, how about a suit?"
"Yes, sir. What size?"
"Size 53 tall, ma'am."
"Wow, that's really big."
"Yes, ma'am, they really grow them big in Texas."

"What's next?" she asked.
He replied, "How about some shoes?"
"What size?"
"Size 15 double D."
"Wow, that's really big!"
"Yes, ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas."

"What's next?"
"Well, I reckon I'll need a shirt."
"Yes, sir. What size?"
"Nineteen and a half neck, size 38," he replied.
"Wow, that's really big!"
"Yes, ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas."

"Will there be anything else?" she asked.
"Yes, ma'am. I spect I'll need a hat."
"Yes, sir. What size?"
"Eight and five-eighths."
"Wow, that's really big!"
"Yes, ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas."

The woman virtually glowed as she asked, "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"No, ma'am , I reckon that will be all."

As the sweet young thing tallied up his bill and as the Texan counted his money, she blushed and asked, "Sir, could I ask you a question?"

"Yes, ma'am, I already know what it is. And the answer is four inches."

Astonished, she blurted out, "Why, my boyfriend is bigger than that!"

Without so much as a stutter, the Texan replied, "From the floor, ma'am?"




More Sexy Jokes

Fly drops 6 inches

There was a fly flying over a pond in the middle of a fog. He thought, "If I dropped 6 inches, I could clear this fog and fly across the pond."

On the other side of the pond, there is a frog who thinks, "If that fly drops 6 inches, he'll clear that fog and I'll have breakfast."

Underneath a lily pad, there is a bass who thinks, "If that fly drops 6 inches, the frog will go for the fly and I'll have lunch."

On the bank, there is a bear who thinks, "If the fly drops 6 inches, the frog with go for the fly, the bass will go for the frog, and I'll have lunch too."

On the hill, there is a hunter who thinks, "If that fly drops 6 inches, the frog will go for the fly, the bass will go for the frog, the bear will go for the bass, and I'll have a clear shot at the bear."

A couple of feet behind the hunter, there is a mouse who thinks, "If the fly drops 6 inches, the frog will go for the fly, the bass will go for the frog, the bear will go for the bass, the hunter will get his shot, and I will get the cheese off his sandwich."

Up at the barn, a cat is watching this whole affair and thinks, "If that fly drops 6 inches, the frog will go for the fly, the bass will go for the frog, the bear will go for the bass, the hunter will get his shot, the mouse will get the cheese, and I will get the mouse."

So the fly drops 6 inches, the frog gets his fly, the bass gets his frog, the bear gets his bass, the hunter gets his shot, the mouse gets his cheese, the cat jumps for the mouse and falls in the water.

The moral of the story is that every time a fly drops 6 inches, you're gonna get a wet pussy.

In Father's room

Three nuns were talking.

The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day, and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines."

"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.

"Well, of course I threw them in the trash."

The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry, and I found a bunch of condoms!"

"Oh, my!" gasped the other nuns.

"What did you do?" they asked.

"I poked holes in all of them!" she replied.

The third nun fainted.

Chicken Died

Young David came home from school one day and found his pet chicken laying on the ground with his legs pointing straight up into the sky. When his father got home, he explained that the chicken has died and his legs were pointed up to Jesus in heaven.

They buried the chicken and that was that. Two weeks later his dad came home from work and David ran up to him yelling, "Daddy, Daddy, we nearly lost Mommy today."

"What?" his father replied.

"When I got home from school, Mommy was laying on the bed with her legs pointing up in the air yelling, 'Jesus, I'm coming, Jesus I'm coming.' If it wasn't for Uncle Terry holding her down we would have lost her for sure!"

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