True knight!

True knight!

King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt, except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.

"This is no good, Merlin!" the king exclaimed, "Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?"

"Ah, sire, just observe," said Merlin. He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two.

"Merlin, you are a genius!" said the grateful monarch. "Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected."

After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest.

Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all of his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.

Sure enough, each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them, except Sir Galahad.

"Sir Galahad," exclaimed King Arthur. "My one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you?

Name it and it is yours!"

But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless.

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Different size condoms

Once Tarzan goes to a chemist shop and asks for a condom. The shopkeeper gives him small size condoms and asks him to come the next day and tell him how well it worked.

So Tarzan returns the next day and says: "Tarzan goes huh, Jane goes huh and condom goes rip."

This time the shopkeeper gives him medium size condoms. Tarzan returns the next day and says: "Tarzan goes huh, Jane goes huh and condom goes rip." Now, the shopkeeper gives him large size ones.

But the next day too Tarzan's reply is the same. So this time the shopkeeper gives him a trashcan and asks him to come back the next day.

So, the next day Tarzan comes and excitedly says: "Tarzan goes huh, can goes huh and Jane goes a rip."

One dollar bills

A customs agent stopped an old Jewish man who had just immigrated to Israel and asked him to open his two suitcases.

In the first suitcase he found over a million dollars in one dollar bills.

"Excuse me, sir" he asked the old gentleman, "where did you get all this money?"

"Vell, I'll tell you," the old man began, "for many years, I traveled all around America, I stopped at all of the public rest rooms in all the major cities; I
vent to New York, then I vent to Chicago, then I vent to San Francisco. I vent into all the stalls here the men were spiriting and I say 'Give me a dollar for Israel or I'll cut off your testicles vit my knife.'"

"That's quite a story," the customs agent said, "what's in the second suitcase?"

"Vell, you know," said the old man, shaking his head, "not everyone likes to give..."

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