Pleasure is a mental state

Pleasure is a mental state

A college professor is explaining to his class that pleasure is a mental state, and that many people overlook the things they already have.

He says, "A man who has developed a true sense of appreciation can enjoy a good bowel movement as much as having sexual intercourse."

One student stands up and says, "Professor, either you don't know how to *uck, or I don't know how to shit."

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Plane crash

Three old black ladies were getting ready to take a plane trip across the ocean.

The first lady said, "I don't know about y'all, but I'm gonna wear hot pink underwear before I get on that plane."

"Why?" the other two asked.

The first replied, "Because, if that plane is gonna crash, and I'm out there laying butt-up in a corn field, they're going to see my ass."

The second lady said, "Well, I'm going to wear some fluorescent orange underwear."

"Why?" the others asked.

The second lady answered, "Because if this plane is going to crash and I'm floating butt-up in the ocean, they're gonna see my ass."

The third old lady said, "Well, I'm not going to wear any underwear."

"What? No underwear!" the others said in disbelief.

"That's right, you heard me. I'm not wearing any underwear," the third lady said, "because if this plane crashes, they're going to look for the black box

True knight!

King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt, except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.

"This is no good, Merlin!" the king exclaimed, "Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?"

"Ah, sire, just observe," said Merlin. He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two.

"Merlin, you are a genius!" said the grateful monarch. "Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected."

After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest.

Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all of his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.

Sure enough, each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them, except Sir Galahad.

"Sir Galahad," exclaimed King Arthur. "My one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you?

Name it and it is yours!"

But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless.

3 questions

Q: What is common between Viagra and Essel World?
A: Both make you wait hours for a two minute ride.

Q: What is the similarity between a tea and a girl?
A: Both are required after getting up.

Q: What is the height of desperation?
A: A one handed man hanging from a bridge, wanting to scratch his balls.

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