A guy goes to the tatoo parlor and offers the tattoo artist $1,000 to put a $100 bill on his willie. The artist agrees, but is curious and asks the man why he wants to do this.

The man replies, "I have my reasons which I would rather not tell right now."

So, the artist goes ahead and does the job. But, all the while he is anxious with curiosity over why this man wants a $100 bill on his penis.

So, he tells the man that he really needs to know the reason why and says that the man can keep the $1000 he would have paid for the tatoo if he would just tell the reason for putting a $100 bill on his willie.

So, the man consents and offers these three reasons: "First, I like to play with my money. Second, I like to watch my money grow. And third, and most importantly, the next time my wife wants to blow $100, she can stay home to do it."

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My friend

Army man, Mr. Smith, a soldier in the army returned home after spending four years on the battle front, and during all the time, not having seen his wife once.

Upon returning home, Sonia, his wife, proudly informed him that he was father of a two year old boy. For a moment Smith was joyus and happy, until he stopped to think.

"For Four years i've been away and now I'm Papa of two year old boy?" He fumed, "So" he sneered "Makeing monkey business behind my back, Who was it?" His wife shrank up agasint the wall and made no answer.

He shouted " I know! it must have been one of my friend."

"But who? Could be Jhon? or was it Michael?"

"Your friends,Your friends" she snorted, "Don't you think I've got any friends?"

20, 30, 40, 50 ...........

There was a man who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged 6 miles a day. One day, he took a look in the mirror and noticed that he was tan all over except for his penis.

So he decided to do something about it. He went to the beach, completely undressed himself and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out!

A few minutes later, two old ladies weere strolling along the beach, using a cane. Upon seeing the thing sticking up from the sand, she began to move it around with her cane. Remarking to her friend she said "There's no justice in the world". Her friend asked what she meant?

She replied: "When I was 20. I was curious about it,
when I was 30, I enjoyed it!
when I was 40, I asked for it.
when I was 50, I paid for it,
when I was 60, I prayed for it,
when I was 70, I forgot about it,
I'm 80 and the damn things are growing wild on the beach and I'm to old to squat! "

Why black condom???

Shiela lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter is constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world.

Finally, Sara says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, "Mom! I have someone for you to meet."

Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills. And we know what that meant. Their first night there she undresses as he does. There she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties. He in his birthday suit.

Looking at her he asks, "Why the black panties? "She replies, 'My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."

He knows he's not getting lucky that night. The following night the same scenario. She's standing there with the black panties on and he is in his birthday suit; except that he has an erection on which he has a black condom.

She looks at him and asks, "What's with this...a black condom?" He replies, "I want to offer my condolences."

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