The phone

A veterinarian had a really rough day at his office.

When he finally got home from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner, after which they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed.

At about 1:00 in the morning, the phone rang. "Is this the vet?" asked an elderly lady's voice.

"Yes, it is", replied the vet,out of breath

"Is this an emergency?"

"Well, sort of", said the elderly lady, "there's cats on the roof outside making a terrible noise mating and I can't get to sleep.

What can I do about it?"

There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then patiently replied.

"Open the window and yell that they are wanted on the phone"

"Really?" said the elderly lady, "Will that stop them?"

"Should do," said the vet, "IT JUST STOPPED ME!"

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Good & Bad News

A doctor tells his patient -

"I've got some good news and I've got some bad news for you".

So, the patient asks, "What's the good news, Doc?"

And the doctor says, "They're going to name a disease after you!"


A man and a woman were waiting in line at the hospital donation center.

Man: "What are you doing here today?"

Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it."

Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."

The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the same line.

Man: "Hi there! Here to donate blood again?"

Woman: (nodding her head with mouth closed) "Unh unh."

Tennis ball

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing none around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.

Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.

A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.

"What's that?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.

"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.

"Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful.... I had tennis elbow once."

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