Kinds of Sex

Kinds of Sex

The 5 Kinds of Sex

1. The first kind is smurf sex. This happens during the honeymoon period: you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face.

2. The second kind is kitchen sex. This at the begining of the marriage; You'll have anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.

3. The third kind is bedroom sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bed room.

4. The fourth kind is hallway sex. This is the phase where you pass each other in the hallway an say, "Fuck you!"

5. The fifth kind of sex: courtroom sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife or husband screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom.

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Eating Banana

"Good evening ladies", Sherlock Holmes said as he passed three women eating bananas on a park bench.

"Do you know them?" Dr. Watson asked.

"No", Holmes replied, "I've never met the nun, the prostitute or the bride we just passed."

"Good Lord, Holmes, how in the world did you know all that?"

"Elementary, my dear Watson. The nun ate the banana by holding it in one hand and using the fingers of the other hand to properly break the fruit into small pieces."

"The prostitute", he continued, "grabbed with both hands and crammed the whole thing into her mouth."

"Amazing!" Watson exclaimed. "But how did you know the third was a newlywed?"

"Because she held it one hand and pushed her head toward it with the other."

Hot Dogs

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs. "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter.

Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.' The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

Female Clerk

A general store owner hires a young female clerk with a penchant for very short skirts. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and then at the loaves of bread behind the counter. "I'd like some raisin bread, please," the man says politely.

The clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the topmost shelf. The man, standing almost directly beneath her, is provided with an excellent view.

As the clerk retrieves the bread, a small group of male customers gather around the young man, looking in the same direction. Pretty soon each person is asking for raisin bread, just to see the clerk climb up and down.

After a few trips the clerk is tired and irritated. She stops and fumes at the top of the ladder, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the throng.

"Is yours raisin, too?" the clerk yells testily.

"No," croaks the feeble old man, "but it's starting to twitch!"

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