The 5 Kinds of Sex
1. The first kind is smurf sex. This happens during the honeymoon period: you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face.
2. The second kind is kitchen sex. This at the begining of the marriage; You'll have anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.
3. The third kind is bedroom sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bed room.
4. The fourth kind is hallway sex. This is the phase where you pass each other in the hallway an say, "Fuck you!"
5. The fifth kind of sex: courtroom sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife or husband screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom.
Q. What do women and police cars have in common?
A. They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.
Q. Why did God create alcohol?
A. So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.
Q. What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from 60 yrs.old hooker have in common ?
A. You don't look down.
Q. What's the difference between a whore and a bitch?
A. Whore's fuck everyone at the party, Bitches fuck everyone at the party except you.
Q. What is a BITCH?
B - BABE
I - IN
T - TOTAL
C - CONTROL of
H - HERSELF
So ladies, next time somebody calls you a Bitch... SMILE... And say Thank You!!!!!!!!
More Sexy Jokes
The 5 Kinds of Sex
"Good evening ladies", Sherlock Holmes said as he passed three women eating bananas on a park bench.
"Do you know them?" Dr. Watson asked.
"No", Holmes replied, "I've never met the nun, the prostitute or the bride we just passed."
"Good Lord, Holmes, how in the world did you know all that?"
"Elementary, my dear Watson. The nun ate the banana by holding it in one hand and using the fingers of the other hand to properly break the fruit into small pieces."
"The prostitute", he continued, "grabbed with both hands and crammed the whole thing into her mouth."
"Amazing!" Watson exclaimed. "But how did you know the third was a newlywed?"
"Because she held it one hand and pushed her head toward it with the other."
Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs. "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter.
Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.' The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"