One day, a little old lady walked into a sex shop. The young clerk couldn't help notice her, first, because she reminded him of his dear old grandmother, and second because she was twitching violently and trembling, even more than is grandmother does.

"Young m-m-m-man?" she stammered to the clerk, "Do you sell v-vibrators here?"

"Yes ma'am, we do," he replied, a little embarrassed.

"B-b-b-big fl-fl-fluorescent oh-oh-orange ones?" asked the old lady.

"Yes ma'am, we have some like that."

"The t-t-type about s-s-s-sixteen inches l-l-l-l-long?"

"Yes ma'am, we've got just about any size you'd want," said the young clerk.

"The k-k-kind that t-t-t-t-takes eight D-D-D Cell b-b-b-b-batteries?"

"Yes ma'am we carry some like that."

"Well, c-could you t-t-t-tell me how the h-h-hell you turn it off?"

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5 Questions

Q. What do women and police cars have in common?
A. They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.

Q. Why did God create alcohol?
A. So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.

Q. What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from 60 yrs.old hooker have in common ?
A. You don't look down.

Q. What's the difference between a whore and a bitch?
A. Whore's fuck everyone at the party, Bitches fuck everyone at the party except you.

Q. What is a BITCH?

I - IN

So ladies, next time somebody calls you a Bitch... SMILE... And say Thank You!!!!!!!!

Kinds of Sex

The 5 Kinds of Sex

1. The first kind is smurf sex. This happens during the honeymoon period: you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face.

2. The second kind is kitchen sex. This at the begining of the marriage; You'll have anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.

3. The third kind is bedroom sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bed room.

4. The fourth kind is hallway sex. This is the phase where you pass each other in the hallway an say, "Fuck you!"

5. The fifth kind of sex: courtroom sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife or husband screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom.

Eating Banana

"Good evening ladies", Sherlock Holmes said as he passed three women eating bananas on a park bench.

"Do you know them?" Dr. Watson asked.

"No", Holmes replied, "I've never met the nun, the prostitute or the bride we just passed."

"Good Lord, Holmes, how in the world did you know all that?"

"Elementary, my dear Watson. The nun ate the banana by holding it in one hand and using the fingers of the other hand to properly break the fruit into small pieces."

"The prostitute", he continued, "grabbed with both hands and crammed the whole thing into her mouth."

"Amazing!" Watson exclaimed. "But how did you know the third was a newlywed?"

"Because she held it one hand and pushed her head toward it with the other."

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