Bad News

A man got a call from his doctor who said 'I have some bad news and some terrible news, which would you rather hear first?'

The man says 'The bad news.'

The doctor says 'The lab messed up your tests and when they re-did them, they found out you only have 48 hours to live!'

The man exclaimed 'What could be more terrible than that!!??'

The doctor replied 'we tried all day yesterday to get hold of you but your phone was busy!'




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Apples...

Ram, Shaam and Billu, three friends, died and went up to God. God said that they could stay in Heaven only if they did not eat the apples from the sacred tree.

After a while, Ram got greedy and ate an apple. God summoned him. Ram said, 'God please forgive me and let me stay in heaven.' God replied, 'OK, but you will have to sleep with your new wife every 12 hours.' Ram was happy only to find his new wife was uglier than a frog.

Meanwhile, Shaam also ate an apple thinking God was too busy but he too was summoned. God said, 'Shaam, I did not expect this from you, but you have to be punished. You have to sleep with your wife every 6 hours.' Shaam's wife was uglier than the Ram's wife.

Billu was happy in heaven and never dared go near the tree. One day he was summoned by God and Billu was scared. God pointed to a beautiful woman and said, 'This is your wife and you can sleep with her anytime.'

Billu replied, 'But I have done nothing good to deserve this beautiful woman.'

God says, 'Yes, but this time, she ate the apple!'

Emergency

The boss who was on the 25th floor of the building called up the clerk on the ground floor for an important file. Since it was rather urgent the boss told the clerk it was an emergency and that he should hurry with the file.

After more than 30 minutes the clerk appears all tired and panting for breath.

The Boss asks him why he was panting and what caused the huge delay.

The clerk replies, 'Boss when I went to the lift it said 'during an emergency please use the staircase'!!!

Two out of three

Three professors had walked down to the train station from the University. They were so absorbed in their conversation that they didn't hear the train arrive, but they did notice the noise of the train as it started to depart.

After a desperate rush two of them manage to scramble onboard. The third looked sad and a passing railway official said, 'Don't feel bad, atleast two out of three of you made it.'

'True...', sighed the professor, 'But the other two were only here to see me off!'

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