Who's Child

A guy from Uttar Pradesh (U.P.) was away from his family for about 4 years while his wife was in Jaunpur (U.P.).

At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son.

His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this 'happy event' happened when he had not seen his wife for four years.

The man said it is common in U.P. that neighbours take care of the wife when men are away.

The colleagues asked him, 'What name will you give to the son?' The man explained, 'If its the second neighbour who has taken care, then the name would be DWIVEDI; if it is the third neighbour then it would be TRIVEDI, If it is the fourth neighbour then it would be CHATURVEDI; If its the fifth neighbour then it would be PANDEY.

After listening to this, questions followed. What if it is a mixture of neighbours?

'Then the boy would be named MISHRA'.

And what if the wife is too shy to tell the name of the neighbour?

'Then it would be SHARMA'.

But what if she refuses to divulge the name of the neighbour?

'Then the name of the child would be GUPTA'.

If she does not remember the name then?

'It is YAAD-AV."

But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape?

'Then it will be named DOSHI'.

Finally, if the child happened because of the wife's burning desire for sex, then he will be named JOSHI.

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A girl was throwing stones at a cow. Her father came & scolded her for throwing the stones at the cow & told to her that cows are like mothers to them & should be respected.

Next day guests come to there house & asked for her father.

She said, "Father is pressing breast of mother".

Playing golf

A man out playing golf slices off into the woods. When he goes to find the ball he discovers a witch (hat and all) stirring a cauldron. So out of curiosity he asks her what she is brewing.

"A magic potion" she replies.

"Well what is it for?" he asks.

"This potion will make anyone an excellent golfer."

At this he gets really excited and asks if he can have some. She is agreeable but warns him that it will have dire consequences on his sex life.

After a short period of soul searching he decides to try the potion. He goes back to the golf course and completes an excellent game of golf. Next he challenges the golf pro and beats him easily. He spends every possible moment of the next year playing golf at every course he manages to get to and having a wonderful time of it. After a year he finds himself back at the same course where he found the witch. Out of curiosity he slices one into the woods so he can talk to her.

"Well", she asks, "How has your game been?"

"Great! This has been the best year of my life. I have played all over the country and never lost a game."

"And how about your sex life?"

"Oh, not bad."

"Really? This stuff can really ruin a guy's sex life. Say, how many times did you have sex last year?"

"Hmmmm, it was three, no, four times."

"And you call that not bad?"

"Not for a priest with a small parish."

Wave the towel

A middle-aged man marries a younger woman but discovers that no matter what he does in bed, she won't orgasm. so he takes the problem to his doctor who explains that maybe fantasy is the answer.

So the man hires a young, charming male escort and has him stand naked and waving a towel over the couple whilst they are having sex, to still no avail.

The man goes back to his doctor who suggests trying the scene oppositely, with the escort having sex with the woman whilst the man waves the towel.

Now becoming desperate, the man gets the same escort and tries the doctor's method. Soon the woman bursts into a great orgasm and the man throws down the towel, taps the escort on the shoulder and shouts triumphantly, "See, thats how you wave a bloody towel!"

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