A woman was sitting in the doctor's office when he came in and said, 'This isn't a urine sample you brought in. It's apple juice.'
'Oh my god' she said. 'I've got to get to a phone.'
'Why?' asked the doctor.
'I must have packed the other bottle in my husbands lunch box.'
More Funny Jokes
A man sees in the street two workers performing the following procedure: The first one is digging a ditch, and the second one, a few feet behind is covering the ditch with the the sand that was just dug out.
After watching them for a while he could not resist his curiosity and he went to ask them what they are doing and what was the goal in their work.
'This is very simple, mister' said one of the workers. 'Usually we are a team of three: One digs, the other puts communication cable into the ditch and the third one covers it. Unfortunately, the guy who puts the cables into the ditch is sick today, so we are doing the best we can.'
A man got a call from his doctor who said 'I have some bad news and some terrible news, which would you rather hear first?'
The man says 'The bad news.'
The doctor says 'The lab messed up your tests and when they re-did them, they found out you only have 48 hours to live!'
The man exclaimed 'What could be more terrible than that!!??'
The doctor replied 'we tried all day yesterday to get hold of you but your phone was busy!'
Ram, Shaam and Billu, three friends, died and went up to God. God said that they could stay in Heaven only if they did not eat the apples from the sacred tree.
After a while, Ram got greedy and ate an apple. God summoned him. Ram said, 'God please forgive me and let me stay in heaven.' God replied, 'OK, but you will have to sleep with your new wife every 12 hours.' Ram was happy only to find his new wife was uglier than a frog.
Meanwhile, Shaam also ate an apple thinking God was too busy but he too was summoned. God said, 'Shaam, I did not expect this from you, but you have to be punished. You have to sleep with your wife every 6 hours.' Shaam's wife was uglier than the Ram's wife.
Billu was happy in heaven and never dared go near the tree. One day he was summoned by God and Billu was scared. God pointed to a beautiful woman and said, 'This is your wife and you can sleep with her anytime.'
Billu replied, 'But I have done nothing good to deserve this beautiful woman.'
God says, 'Yes, but this time, she ate the apple!'