Where's Mom and dad

Where's Mom and dad

A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, 'where's Mom and dad?' and she replied, 'they're up in bed ' so the little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play.

Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma 'where's Mom and dad?' and she replied 'they're still up in bed ' and the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play.

Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his grandma 'where's Mom and dad?' and his grandmother replied 'they're still up in bed' and the little boy started to laugh and his grandmother asked 'what's wrong? every time I tell you they're still up in bed you start to laugh! what is going on here? '

The little boy replied, 'well last night daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue instead.'

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Once a priest says to his three sons, 'Today you can commit as many sins as you like, but you must come back and drink the holy water and be purified again!' So they all go off and commit their sins.

When they come back the father asks the 1st son what he did. The son replies, 'Father forgive me! I smoked, drank alcohol and took hard drugs.'

The father says, 'Never mind son just drink the holy water and you'll be pure again!' So the son takes a good swill of the holy water.

Next the second son recounts his events, 'Father forgive me for I committed much sins, I killed numerous people & animals and set buildings on fire, I robbed banks and stole cars!'

The father says, 'Never mind son, just drink the holy water and you'll be forgiven!' So he takes a good drink from the bowl and quenches his thirst.

The father looks at the 3rd son and asks, 'Son what sin did you commit?'

The third son replies, 'I pissed in the holy water!!!'

24 hours to live

A man went to the Doctor and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours to live. He goes home to tell his wife and after they both had a long cry over it, he asked her if she would have sex with him because he only had 24 hours to live.

'Of course Darling.' she replied. And so they have sex.

Four hours later they are lying in bed and he turns to her again, and says, 'you know I only have 20 hours to live, do you think we could do it again?'

Again she responds very sympathetically and agrees to have sex.

Another 8 hours pass, and she had fallen asleep from exhaustion, he taps her on the shoulder, and asks her again, 'You know dear, I only have 12 more hours left, how about again for old times sake?'

By this time she is getting a little annoyed, but reluctantly agrees.

After they finish she goes back to sleep and 4 hours later, he taps her on the shoulder again and says, 'Dear, I hate to keep bothering you but you know I only have 8 hours left before I die, can we do it one more time?'

Well, she turns to him with a grimaced look on her face and says, 'You know.. you don't have to get up in the morning. I do!!!'

Leak in the gas tank

A guy and his girlfriend were going on a romantic long drive. Suddenly, the guy, who is driving the car pulls up on the side of the highway and starts to take his clothes off.

His girlfriend asks, 'What are you doing? What if someone sees us here?'

The guys tells her, 'If you want we can go under the car and have our fun.' She agrees, but asks, 'What if someone sees us below the car?'

The guy tells her, 'Then we can tell them that we are checking for a leak in the gas tank.'

So under the car they go, and have the time of their life.

Some time later a cop comes and shouts to the couple, 'What the hell do you think you are doing?' So the couple give him the answer saying, 'We are checking for a leak in the gas tank.'

The cop shouts back at them, 'You should have checked your brakes first. You car has rolled down the slope!'

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