To sleep better

To sleep better

An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, 'I'd like to have some birth control pills.'

Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, 'Excuse me but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?'

The woman responded, 'They help me sleep better.'

The doctor thought some more and continued, 'How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?'

The woman said, 'I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night.'

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Santa Singh comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering, finally manages to say, 'Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?'

'Oh, that's not a problem for us men anymore!' announces a proud physician, 'They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that does the trick! You take some pills, and your problems are history!'

So the doctor gives Santa Singh a prescription and sends him on his merry way.

A couple of months later, the doctor runs into his patient on the street. 'Doctor, Doctor!' exclaims Santa Singh excitedly, 'I've got to thank you! This drug is a miracle! It's wonderful!

'Well, I'm glad to hear that' says the pleased physician, 'What does your wife think about it?'

'Wife?' asks Santa Singh, 'I haven't been home yet.'

Where's Mom and dad

A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, 'where's Mom and dad?' and she replied, 'they're up in bed ' so the little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play.

Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma 'where's Mom and dad?' and she replied 'they're still up in bed ' and the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play.

Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his grandma 'where's Mom and dad?' and his grandmother replied 'they're still up in bed' and the little boy started to laugh and his grandmother asked 'what's wrong? every time I tell you they're still up in bed you start to laugh! what is going on here? '

The little boy replied, 'well last night daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue instead.'


Once a priest says to his three sons, 'Today you can commit as many sins as you like, but you must come back and drink the holy water and be purified again!' So they all go off and commit their sins.

When they come back the father asks the 1st son what he did. The son replies, 'Father forgive me! I smoked, drank alcohol and took hard drugs.'

The father says, 'Never mind son just drink the holy water and you'll be pure again!' So the son takes a good swill of the holy water.

Next the second son recounts his events, 'Father forgive me for I committed much sins, I killed numerous people & animals and set buildings on fire, I robbed banks and stole cars!'

The father says, 'Never mind son, just drink the holy water and you'll be forgiven!' So he takes a good drink from the bowl and quenches his thirst.

The father looks at the 3rd son and asks, 'Son what sin did you commit?'

The third son replies, 'I pissed in the holy water!!!'

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