Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old boat. It so happened that John's wife died the same day that Joe's boat sank.

A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistook him for John. She said, 'I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible.'

Joe thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, 'Hell no in fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy.

I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle.'

The old lady fainted.

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Buy some panties

There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that this girl is not wearing any panties.

He then calls the girl and gives her $20 and says "Little girl, take this money and buy yourself some panties. It's not good to walk around without any panties on."

The girl then goes home and gives the money to her mother and asks her mother to buy panties for her. When the mother asks where the girl got the money from, the girl explained what happened. Upon hearing how the girl got the money, the mother rushes to her room, whips off her panties, and puts on one of her shortest dresses and runs out to the church. As soon as the mother sees the priest coming, she begins to walk up the stairs. The priest then notices the lady and calls her down.

The woman not wanting to show that she is expecting anything, walks back to the priest very calmly. The priest then gives the lady $1 and says, "Take this money and for God's Sakes, buy yourself a razor!"

Loaded Questions

1). What is a four-letter word that ends in k and means the same as intercourse?

2). What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of?

3). What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long,has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it?

4). What word starts with f and ends with u-c-k?

5). Name five words that are each four letters long, end in u-n-t, one of which is a word for a woman?

6). What does a dog do that you can step into?

7). What four letter word begins with f and ends with k, and if you can't get one you can use your hands?

8). What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat?

9). What four-letter word ends in i-t and is found on the bottom of birdcages?

10). What is it that all men have one of; it's longer on some men than on others; the pope doesn't use his; and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?

(For Answers scroll down)

1. (talk)
2. (legs)
3. (a twenty dollar note)
4. (firetruck)
5. (bunt, hunt, runt, punt, aunt)
6. (pants)
7. (fork)
8. (Almond Joy candy bar)
9. (grit)
10. (last name)


Mark and Sharon decide they don't want to discuss sex in front of their 4 and 6 year old children, so they decide to talk in code.

One day Mark is feeling a little bit turned on and says to Katie (his daughter), "Tell your mother I would really like to type a letter."

Katie runs off to find her mom. " Mommy, mommy", shouts Katie,
"Daddy would like to type a letter."

Sharon replies slightly sheepishly, "Katie, go and tell your daddy that he can't type a letter today as there is a red ribbon in the typewriter."

Katie tears off to her father and says, "Daddy, daddy, mommy says you can't type a letter today as there is a red ribbon in the typewriter."

A few days later Sharon remembers that Mark was a little bit keen on a bit of nookie and she called Katie, "Katie, tell your daddy that he can type that letter today."

Katie went off to look for her father and told him, "Daddy, mommy says you can type the letter today."

"Thats OK, Katie", Mark says, "You can tell your mother that I don't need the typewriter any more, I wrote the letter by hand."

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