Roles in Heaven
Systems Administration & Support
Finance and Accounts consultant
Training and Knowledge Management
DBA (Crash Specialist)
Quality Assuarance & Documentation
Reorganization & Downsizing Consultant
IDP & Personal Records
In house Hackers
Internet Explorer WWWF
Support Software and Backup
Sr. Manager Projects
Annual appraisal & Promotion
Technical Writer (Ramayana Sign off document)
SDLC ( Sudarshan Wheel Development Life Cycle)
ISO Consultant (CMM level 5)
Lead Programmer (all companies are vying for him)
Motivation & Team building
MAINFRAME LEGACY SYSTEM
Microsoft product Written in VB
Test Engineer: frequenty detecting bugs.
More Hindi Jokes
At the Laloo's point
A British Diplomat paid a courtesy visit to Lalloojee.
During a Garden party at the Palace, he thought of entertaining Lalloojee with the following magic of numbers.
He said, "Your excellency, Look at the value of the alphabet:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
Now, look at this Sir, if we calculate together it will be:
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98 % Only
K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96 % Only
L O B B Y I N G
12 15 2 2 25 9 14 7 = 86 % Only
L U C K
12 21 3 11 = 47 % Only
Sir, you should look at the final one, which is most important.
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100 %
Sir, do you find it useful?
This magic can work on your people to improve themselves, increase productivity,
and make your Kingdom prosperous.
Sir, I can arrange to send our experts to coach your people. We can do it in less than a year"
Lalloojee thought for a while; and said, "I have better formula. See this......
C O R R U P T I O N
3 15 18 21 16 9 15 14 = 111 %
Do you want me to come and teach your people? I can do it in less than one week."
1. Inside class
- Close the doors of the windows please.... I have winter in my nose today.
- Cut an apple into two halves .... Take the bigger half.
- Shhhhh..quiet boys.... The principal just passed away in the corridor.
- Both of you three, get out of my class.
- Take a copper wire of any metal .... especially of silver.
- Take a 5cm. wire of any length.
2. At the ground
- All of you stand in a straight circle
- There is no wind in the balloon
3. To a boy angrily
- I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?????
4. Giving punishment
- You three of you, stand together separately.
- You, .... go and understand the tree.
- Why are you late??????------say YES or NO.
IF film stars work for call centers, Imagine the calls.
Amitabh: Thank you for calling customer care... rishte mein to hum tumhare baap lagate hain filhaal ek customer care rep hain...
Customer: (angrily) I NEED YOUR MANAGER
Amitabh: Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere baap ko chor kaha tha..
Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne meri maa ko gaali dekar naukri se nikaal diya tha..
Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere haath pe yeh likh diya tha...
uske baad uske baad mere bhai..
Tum jis manager ko kahoge main laaonga..
Dharmendra: Thank you for calliiiiingg..
Customer: I need help
Dharmendra: main aaraahoon maa.......
Customer: I am unable to use your product... its waste and worthless
Dharmendra: Kutte mein tera khoon peejaaonga..
Customer: What!!! I need your manager
Dharmendra: (To his manager) Manager is customer ke saamne nahi naachna
Shatru : Aaaaaiiin Kis ullllu ke patthe ne call kiya hai...
Customer : How dare you speak like that
Shatru : Khaaaamoshhhhh... seedhi tarah bolde issue kya hai warna... haaaaaaaaa!!!
Asrani: hahhaaaaaaa naya kabutar ne call kiya
Customer: I lost my invoice
Asrani : Hahhaaaaaaaa hamare jasoos kone kone mein phaile hue hain miljayegi hum angrezon ke zamaane ke rep hain..haahhaaa
Kestu Mukherji: Iiiiiihhhhye....
Kestu Mukherji : iiiihhhyeee tumko ....tumko kya problem hai
Customer : I have not received my product
Kestu Mukherji : To saale (hicup) main kya karoon.. Police mien report likha...
Bindu: Shabnam naam hai mera... pyar se log shabbo bolte hain..bolo main tumhare kis kaam aasakti hoon.
Shakti: AAAuuuuuu...mera naam hai balllllllllma. Thank you for calling aaauuuuu
Customer: I need your manager
Shakti: Mujhse baat karona.. Main ek chhota sa, nanha sa, pyarasa...rep hooon..
Mehmood: Ayyo Dyevi ... thank youji for calling ji.. Ayyo
Customer : I am not devi
Mehmood : Ayyo muruga... ye dyevi nai ji ... ye to dyeva hai...
Ajit: Saara shehar mujhe Lion ke naam se jaanta hai..... May I know your name please
Customer : Mona
Ajit: Mona darling... tumne hamein call kyun kiya
Customer : (Angrily) I WANT YOUR MANAGER
Ajit: Mona dear.. Agar hum tumhe hamara manager dedenge to hamein manage kaun karega....
Gabbar : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ....Jo dargaya wo maraga... batao tumhen kya chahiye
Customer : I want to buy a product from your company
Gabbar: Kitne paise hai re
Customer : $ 10.00
Gabbar: Suvvar Ke baccho ... sirf... $10.00...dhikkaar hai
Prem Chopra: Prem...Prem naam hai mera.. Prem chopra...
Customer : I lost my invoice I need one
Prem Chopra: Kar bhalaa to ho bhalaa..jaa apni invoice khud dhoondle
Rajkumar : Jaani ..... Tumhara ye call bahut keemti hai.. Ise cut mat karna
Customer: I lost my invoice
Rajkumar: Jaani... ye invoice hai.. Bacchon ke khelne ki cheez nahi
Customer : shut up.. I need my invoice sent to me in 10 minutes... otherwise I
will speak to your manager
Rajkumar : Dhamki kisi aur ko jaakar dena... manager humko darasake manager mein
itna dum nahi... humse hai manager... manager se hum nahi...
And at last ............
Sharukh: Thank you for kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Customer hung up the phone....