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Women's English

Women's English

Women's English

Yes...........................No

No............................Yes

I'm sorry.....................You'll be sorry

We need.......................I want

It's your decision............The correct decission should be obvious by now

Do what you want..............You'll pay for this later

We need to talk...............I need to complain

Sure go ahead.................I don't want you to

I'm not upset.................Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're so manly...............You need a shave and you sweat a lot Be romantic,

turn off the lights...........I have flabby thighs

This kitchen is so inconvenient..................I want a new house

I want new curtains...........and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

I heard a noise...............I noticed you were almost asleep

Do you love me?...............I'm going to ask for something expensive

How much do you love me?......I did something today you're gonna hate

I'll be ready in a minute.....Kick off your shoes and find a good show on TV

You have to learn to communicate...................Just agree with me

Are you listening to me?......Too late, you're dead!




More Funny Jokes

Telegram

Once A Man Was On Vacation. He Enjoyed The Place So Much That He Could Not Resist But Send A Telegram To He Wife Saying -- "Wish You Were Here".

When He Reached Home, He Was Welcomed Very Dangerously. Reason? -- A Distorted Message Saying -- "Wish You Were Her".

In & Outside India

PEOPLE'S PERCEPTION IN AND OUTSIDE INDIA

1. MOTHER-IN-LAW:
IN INDIA - A WOMAN CAPABLE OF MAKING YOUR LIFE MISERABLE.

OUTSIDE INDIA - A WOMAN YOU NEVER FIGHT WITH, BECAUSE WHERE ELSE YOU WILL FIND SUCH A DEDICATED BABY SITTER FOR FREE?


2. HUSBAND:
IN INDIA - A BORING HUMAN SPECIES, WHO LISTENS MORE TO HIS MOTHER THAN YOU, AND ORDERS YOU AROUND TO SERVE HIM, HIS PARENTS AND SIBLINGS.

OUTSIDE INDIA - STILL BORING, BUT NOW A USEFUL HUMAN SPECIES THAT COMES IN HANDY WHEN THE HOUSE NEEDS TO BE VACUUMED.


3. FRIEND:
IN INDIA - A PERSON WHOSE HOUSE YOU CAN DROP INTO ANY TIME OF THE DAY OR NIGHT AND YOU'LL ALWAYS BE WELCOME.

OUTSIDE INDIA - A PERSON WHOM YOU HAVE TO CALL FIRST TO CHECK AND MAKE SURE HE IS NOT BUSY.


4. WIFE:
IN INDIA - A WOMAN WHO GIVES YOU YOUR UNDERWEAR AND TOWEL WHEN YOU GO TO TAKE A SHOWER.

OUTSIDE INDIA - A WOMAN WHO YELLS AT YOU NOT TO LEAVE TUB DIRTY WHEN YOU GO TO TAKE BATH.


5. SON:
IN INDIA - A TEENAGER, WHO WITHOUT ASKING WILL CARRY YOUR GROCERY BAGS FROM THE MARKET.

OUTSIDE INDIA - A TEENAGER, WHO SUDDENLY REMEMBERS HE HAS LOT OF HOMEWORK WHEN YOU START MOWING THE LAWN.


6. DAUGHTER:
IN INDIA - A LOVELY DOLL, WHO BRINGS TEARS TO YOUR EYES DURING HER MARRIAGE.

OUTSIDE INDIA - A LOVELY DOLL, WHO BRINGS YOU TO TEARS LONG BEFORE HER MARRIAGE.


7. FATHER:
IN INDIA - A PERSON YOU ARE AFRAID OF, AND WHO IS NEVER TO BE DISOBEYED.

OUTSIDE INDIA - A PERSON TO WHOM YOU PRETEND TO OBEY, AFTER ALL HE IS THE ONE PAYING YOUR COLLEGE TUITION.


8. INDIAN ENGINEER:
IN INDIA - A PERSON WITH A RESPECTABLE JOB AND EARNING LOTS.

OUTSIDE INDIA - A PERSON WITHOUT A SECURE JOB, WHO ALWAYS DREAMS ONE DAY HE WILL BE RICH.


9. DOCTOR:
IN INDIA - A RESPECTABLE PERSON WITH OK INCOME.

OUTSIDE INDIA - A MONEY MAKING MACHINE, WHO HAS A MONEY SPENDING MACHINE AT HOME CALLED "DOCTOR'S WIFE".


10. BHANGRA:
IN INDIA - A VIGOROUS PUNJABI FESTIVAL DANCE.

OUTSIDE INDIA - A DANCE YOU DO, WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DANCE.


11. SOFTWARE ENGINEER:
IN INDIA - A HIGH-TECH GUY, ALWAYS SPEAKS IN AMERICAN ACCENT, ALWAYS ANXIOUS TO QUEUE IN THE CONSULATE VISA LINE.

OUTSIDE INDIA - THE SAME HI-TECH GUY, WHO DOES GANAPATI PUJA EVERYDAY, AND SAYS 'THIS IS MY LAST YEAR IN THE US (OR WHEREVER) 'EVERY YEAR.


12. A GREEN CARD HOLDER BACHELOR:
IN INDIA - THE GUY CAN'T SPEAK HINDI, PARENTS OF GOOD LOOKING GIRLS ARE DYING TO HOOK HIM, WEARS JACKET IN SUMMER, SAYS HE HAS A BMW BACK THERE.

OUTSIDE INDIA - THE GUY CAN'T SPEAK PROPER ENGLISH, WEARS JACKET ALL THE TIME, WORKS IN A CANDY STORE AT MANHATTAN, DREAMS OF OWNING A BMW.

BOMB....

Once three men one British, one French and one Turkish man were travelling in an aircraft, when they go over Britan the british man says "in my country we use alot of orange" so he throwes an orange down from the aircraft.

When the go over France the french man says "in my country we use alot of lemon" so he throwes a lemon down from the aircraft.

When they go over Turkey the turkish man says "in my country we use bomb" so he throws the bomb from the aircraft.

When the British man goes in his country he sees a boy crying he asks him the reason of crying the boy says "an aircraft passed and throwed an orange on me".

When the french man goes in his country he sees a boy crying he asks him the reason of crying the boy says "an aircraft passed and throwed a lemon on me.

When the turkish man goes in his country he sees a boy laughing he asks him the reason of laughing the boy says " I farted and the fornt building fell down"

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