Thoughts

"Deep Thoughts" about Marriage

* There was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married and then it was too late.

* At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

* Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.

* Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.




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Rules for Men

The untold rules for Men:

1. The female always makes the rules.

2. The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No male can possibly know all the rules.

4. If the female suspects the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.

5. The female is never wrong.

6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.

7. If Rule 6 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9. The male must never change his mind without express written consent from the female.

10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The female must under no circumstances let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

Not good in bed

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.

"You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work. By mid-morning, he decided he'd better fix up things and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.

"What took you so long to answer?"
"I was in bed."
"What were you doing in bed this late?"
"Getting a second opinion."

Invited on Dinner

'Honey,' said a husband to his wife, 'I invited a friend home for dinner.'

'What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!'

'I know all that.'

'Then why did you invite a friend for supper?'

'Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married.'

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