Prison and the Prisoner

Prison and the Prisoner

The new bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, it's not a life sentence, OKAY!"

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A man sees a fine looking woman at a bar. He steps over to her an says, "Hey baby, let me suck on your nipples."

She says, "Watch it buddy, I'll have my boyfriend kick your ass."

He laughs and says, "Alright, why don't I just just give you a big sloppy kiss then."

She says, "Listen, if you say one more thing to me, I will have my man kill you."

"This is my final offer", he says, "I'll hold you upside-down, pour beer into your pussy, and drink from your pussy."

She gets up, walks over to her boyfriend, tells him this guy said he was going to lick her tits. He yells, "I'll kill him!"

She then tells him he was going to kiss her. By now he's ****ed and starts walking in his direction.

She says, "Wait! He also said he would hang me by my ankles, pour beer down my twat, and drink from me!"

Her boy friend stops and says "Sorry babe, I can't fight with anyone who can drink that much beer."

Which Material.

In school one day, the teacher decided that for science class she would teach about raw materials. She stood in the front of the class and said,

"Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"

Little Stevie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Corvette."

The teacher nodded and called on little Susie. Little Susie said, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Porsche"

The teacher smiled and then called on Little Adam. Little Adam stood up and said, "I would want silicon."

The teacher said, "Adam, why silicon?"

"Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars parked outside of our house!"

Intresting trivia

* Twenty percent of women who live with their boyfriends have more than one sex partner.

* In the 18th century, another term for anal sex was "navigate the windward passage."

* Sperm banks keep their donor semen at approximately -321 degrees Fahrenheit.

* "Endytophilia" is the desire to keep one's clothes on during sex.

* In ancient Greece and Rome, dildos were made out of animal horns, gold, silver ivory and glass.

* The average shelf-life of a latex condom is about two years. (Now you know why they have an expiry date on the Condoms)

* A woman's nipples can swell up to 25% their normal size when aroused.

* The average bout of sexual intercourse burns 360 calories/hour.

* The first vibrators were invented in 1869 as treatment for what was known then as hysteria.

* "Telephonicophilia" is the technical name of arousal derived from phone sex.

* The Kama Sutra details techniques on ten types of kisses, 64 different caresses, eight variations on oral sex, and 84 positions for intercourse.

* While nudity was considered commonplace to the ancient Greeks, a man was considered indecent if he had an exposed erection.

* A typical orgasm lasts from three to ten seconds, with contractions occurring every 0.8 seconds for both men and women.

* Males under the age of forty are typically able to achieve an erection in less than ten seconds.

* It is common for men to wake up with "morning wood," a name for an morning erection.

* Amount of time needed for a man to regain erection: from two minutes to two weeks.

* About 8.5 billion condoms are produced every year worldwide.

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