Before and After Marriage
BEFORE: You take my breath away.
AFTER: I feel like I'm suffocating.
BEFORE: She says she loves the way I take control of the situation.
AFTER: She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac.
BEFORE: Saturday Night Fever.
AFTER: Monday Night Football.
BEFORE: He makes me feel like a million dollars.
AFTER: If I had a dime for every stupid thing he's done...
BEFORE: The Sound of Music.
AFTER: The Sound of Silence.
BEFORE: It's like I'm in a dream.
AFTER: It's like he's in a dorm.
BEFORE: We agree on everything!
AFTER: Doesn't she have a mind of her own?
BEFORE: Charming and Noble.
BEFORE: I love a woman with curves.
AFTER: I never said you were fat.
BEFORE: He's completely lost without me.
AFTER: Why won't he ever ask for directions?
BEFORE: Time stood still.
AFTER: This relationship is going nowhere.
BEFORE: You look so seductive in black.
AFTER: Your clothes are so depressing.
BEFORE: I can hardly believe we found each other.
AFTER: I can't believe I ended up with someone like you.
More Marriage Jokes
Upon returning to their car from a shopping tour, one of the young ladies realized that she had forgotten to stop at the pharmacy for her birth control pills.
She rushed into the nearest pharmacy and gave her prescription to the pharmacist. "Please fill this immediately," she asked. "I've got people waiting in my car!"
Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings. As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home.
Later that night, their mother couldn't sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea. On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter's bedroom and heard her screaming. The mother thought to herself, "That's normal, especially on her wedding night." She snuck by her second oldest daughter's room and heard her laughing. "That's normal too," she said, smiling to herself. Finally, she slipped by her youngest daughter's room where she didn't hear a peep, but she thought nothing of it.
The next morning in the kitchen, after the husbands had gone out, the woman asked her eldest daughter about last night's noises. "Well Mom," she replied, "you always said if it hurt I should scream." "You're absolutely right sweetheart," the mother assured her, turning to her middle daughter.
"Now why were you laughing?" she asked. "You always said if it tickled, I could laugh," she answered. "True enough, honey." The mother smiled, remembering her newlywed days.
"Now it's your turn, baby," she said turning to her youngest daughter. "Why was it so quiet in your room last night?" "Mom, don't you remember? You always told me never to talk with my mouth full."
How the various people search for life partner
Bhagwan ke nam pe koi ek biwi de de,
Doosre ki nahi to apni hi de de,
Bhagwan tujhe ek ke badle do dega,
Hillery hogi to Monika bhi dega
I hereby beg to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of husband after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly -a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl. The girl should be willing to surender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objection would be overruled and will not be sustained.
Apply in confidence and if you have the confidence.
Must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Plaese send the photograph of motorboat.
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.
Badi muddat ke baad ek arzoo jaagi hai,
Ki hum bhi shadi shuda ho jaye,
Kya vajah shadi karane ki jo kahde sahi sahi,
To yaroo ab khud se kaam ghar ka hota nahi.
Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a soda factory. I am an occasional alchoholic who drinks only when friends come home. Friend come home only seven times a week.Girl preferred who can carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally or send soda for trial. Sample should be ample.
Wanted a sturdy wife. Should be in working condition.Should be above average and must run the household at a good average. Dent wont be tolerated especially in the head gear.