Bullets

A pregnant woman walks into a bank, and lines up at the first available teller. Just at that moment the bank gets robbed and she is shot three times in the stomach. She was rushed to the hospital where she was fixed up. As she leaves she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor says "Oh! You're going to have triplets. They're fine but each one has a bullet lodged in its stomach. Don't worry though the bullets will pass through their system through normal metabolism."

As time goes on the woman has three children. Two girls and a boy. Twelve years later, one of the girls comes up to her mother and says "Mommy, I've done a very weird thing!". Her mother asks her what happened and her daughter replies "I passed a bullet into the toilet". The woman comforts her and explains all about the accident at the bank. A few weeks later, her other daughter comes up to her with tears streaming from her eyes. "Mommy, I've done a very bad thing!", the mother says "Let me guess. You passed a bullet into the toilet, right?". The daughter looks up from her teary eyes and says "Yes. How did you know?". The mother comforts her child and explains about the incident at the bank.

A month later the boy comes up and says "Mommy, I've done a very bad thing!". "You passed a bullet into the toilet, right?"

"No, I was masturbating and shot the dog."




More Sexy Jokes

Where do babies come from?

Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in.

Child: Mother, where do babies come from?

Mom: Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room...they kiss and hug and have sex. (The daughter looks puzzled.) That means the daddy puts his penis in mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey.

Child: Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and daddy's room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?

Mom: Jewelry, dear.

Sex Therapist

A woman walks into her sex therapist's office and tells her that her husband is not a very good lover, and they never have sex anymore, and asks what to do about it. The therapist tells her that she has an experimental drug that might do the trick. She tells the woman to give her husband one pill that night and come back in the morning and..... .....tell her what happened.

The next day, the woman comes in ecstatic telling the therapist that the pill worked and she and her husband had the best sex ever. She asks her therapist what would happen if she gave her husband two pills and the therapist says she doesn't know, but to go ahead and try it.

The next day, the same thing happens: the woman comes in telling the therapist that the sex was even better than the night before and what would happen if she gave him five pills.

The therapist says she doesn't know, but to go ahead and try it. The next day, the woman comes in limp but happy, and tells the therapist that the sex just keeps getting better and what would happen if she gave him the rest of the bottle The therapist says she doesn't know; it's an experimental drug and she doesn't know what a full bottle could do to a person. Anyway, the woman leaves the therapist's office and put the rest of the bottle of pills in the husband's morning coffee.

A week later, a young boy walks into the therapist's office and says: "Are you the dumb shit who gave my mother a bottle of experimental pills?"

"Why, yes, young man, I did. Why?"

"Well, mom's dead, our neighbor's wife is pregnant, the dog has run away, and dad's sittin' in the corner going "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty... "

Tarzan and Jane hitting it off?

One day, Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him what he did for sex.

"What's that" he asked. She explained to him what sex was and he said "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree". Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong but I will show you how to do it properly". She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground and spread her legs wide.

"Here," she said, "You must put it in here". Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony.

Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?"

"Just checking for bees" said Tarzan.

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