Tattoo

A man went to the tattoo parlour and had the words "yes" and "no" tattooed on his penis. When he got home that night, he approached his wife in their bedroom. He stripped off his pants and shorts, revealing his aroused organ and its new tattoo.

"What do you think, honey?" he asked his wife.

Deliberately she said, "You tell me how to cook, you tell me how to clean the house, you tell me how to do the laundry... and now you're going to put words in my mouth?"




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Change

Once there was a midget who was tired of not having a sex life, so he decided to change it. He took some of money from savings and went to find a prostitute. As he headed down Main Street, he approached several, all of them turned him down, claiming that they didn't do.

Finally he found a fat, lesbian prostitute dressed as a biker. He offered her the money. She almost said no but decided she needed the money. The went to a hotel. As they got on the bed the midget asks if he can take her from behind, she said sure, why not. Soon the prostitute is finding herself amazed at the midgets sexual abilities.

After orgasming several times, she yells "OH MY GOD! DOES IT GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS!"

The midget says, "Oh baby, just wait til I put the other foot in."

Bullets

A pregnant woman walks into a bank, and lines up at the first available teller. Just at that moment the bank gets robbed and she is shot three times in the stomach. She was rushed to the hospital where she was fixed up. As she leaves she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor says "Oh! You're going to have triplets. They're fine but each one has a bullet lodged in its stomach. Don't worry though the bullets will pass through their system through normal metabolism."

As time goes on the woman has three children. Two girls and a boy. Twelve years later, one of the girls comes up to her mother and says "Mommy, I've done a very weird thing!". Her mother asks her what happened and her daughter replies "I passed a bullet into the toilet". The woman comforts her and explains all about the accident at the bank. A few weeks later, her other daughter comes up to her with tears streaming from her eyes. "Mommy, I've done a very bad thing!", the mother says "Let me guess. You passed a bullet into the toilet, right?". The daughter looks up from her teary eyes and says "Yes. How did you know?". The mother comforts her child and explains about the incident at the bank.

A month later the boy comes up and says "Mommy, I've done a very bad thing!". "You passed a bullet into the toilet, right?"

"No, I was masturbating and shot the dog."

Where do babies come from?

Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in.

Child: Mother, where do babies come from?

Mom: Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room...they kiss and hug and have sex. (The daughter looks puzzled.) That means the daddy puts his penis in mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey.

Child: Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and daddy's room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?

Mom: Jewelry, dear.

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