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Engineering

Engineering

Facts about Enggineering

1. Some Basic definitions...

Engineering College : Place where you're punished for getting good HSC marks.

Senior : Guy who got ragged as junior and wanna get some payback...

Fresher : Guy who has to ask where the canteen is...

Really Dumb Fresher : Guy who asks a senior where the canteen is.

Really Really Dumb fresher : Guy who follows the senior to the canteen.

Ragging : The unfortunate fate of the previous idiot.

Evasive action : Watch the juniors when any seniors come nearby. (No one runs faster than a fresher. NO ONE.)

Lectures : Waste of time. Physical presence is a must...only meant for sleeping, completing assignments & general TP

Tuitions : What you take when you don't waste enough time...

Professor : Perso! n paid to put students to sleep.

Vernacular Prof : Unusual variant of previous individual who comes packaged with his own brand of English ("Now you check me our journal." "You Out get from class." "Are you Understand, Beta?")

Practicals : 60 to 90 minutes in which you watch the girls do your experiment, and usually destroy a considerable array of lab equipment.

Hopeless Practical : The practical in which there are no girls in your group simply look blankly at each other, fiddle with the equipment, and finally copy the readings.(from the girls of course...).

2. The Truth about exams....

Irony : The guy who copied your entire paper passes and you flunk.

Critical Calculation : Summing up the marks you attempted worth in the exam...

Re-verification : A cruel joke. (results of which come after you give the KT exam).


3. An engineer's 10 engineering commandments of Life
1. Thou shalt study only during the preparatory leave.
2. Thou shalt never write thy assignments thyself.
3. Thou shalt begin writing thy journals only on the morning of submission.
4. Thou shalt treat all marks above 40 as bonus.
5. Thou shalt have at least 70 per cent attendance in the canteen.
6. Thou shalt pass GRACEfully.
7. Thou shalt always be an OUTstanding student.
8. Thou shalt give thy attendance without being present...PROXY is a MUST
9. If thou can't convince them , confuse them.
10. Thou shalt start every sentence with a four-lettered word.

4. The Years of Engineering
F.E. Fond of Engineering
S.E. Sick Of Engineering
T.E. Tired of Engineering
B.E. Balls to Engineering
Engineers Anthem:
Hum Honge All Clear,Honge All Clear, Honge All Clear Ek Din, OH-HO, Mann me hai vishwas, pura hai vishwas, hum ho! ge all clear ek din

Top two Engineering Rumors:
'Did you hear the results are being put up today at 5:30pm'
'Did you hear the exams are postponed by two weeks, its been put up at
VJTI'

The most dreaded acronym for Engineers:
ATKT (After Trying Keep Trying)

The most important criteria while selecting an engi! neering college:
Girl to Boy ratio ( if more than0 .025% then that college is engineers dream come true)

Engineers at work:
Assignments solved by one and then carrying out mass transfer operations throughout the class

The most important machine for Engineers:
Xerox Machine (Without which assignment completion wouldn't be possible)

The most important table in an Engineer's House:
The glass table ( to carry out GT operations, during Night Duty.)

The only queue an Engineer is familiar with:
Submission Queue

An Engineer's favourite watch:
Bird Watch !

Common Engineering Dialogues after a paper:
'Wha! t is this yaar, more than 70% of the paper was out of the syllabus'
'This was the worst paper set in the entire engineering history'
'I am failing....I got screwed royally'

5. Feeling after Completing Engineering:
Survived Engineering !!!!!!!!!!!


JHUMO,GAVO, HASO, MUSKARAO.

KYA PATA KAL HO NA HO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




More Hindi Jokes

Indian Viruses

The following is the list of some new viruses going round in India.

Better beware of them.

P.V. Narasimha Rao Virus:
First of all, this virus reduces the CPU speed to 66Hz. Before executing any instruction, it deleberates over it a number of times and finally does nothing.

V.P. Singh Virus:
This virus reserves a quota for each instruction, and executes them only according to the quota. Needless to say, the least used instructions have a higher quota than the more used instructions. This virus is also known as social justice virus.

Sukh Ram Virus:
This virus first swallows 10% of the bits in each instruction and then executes them.

Maneka Gandhi Virus:
This is a green virus. It executes only those programmes that were written by vegetarians or animals.

L.K. Advani Virus:
This virus pops up every now and then, and the only way you can continue working is by typing Jai Shri Ram 108 times.

K.P.S. Gill Virus:
Only ladies need to worry about this virus.Every now and then the users get a whack, you know where.

Phoolan Devi Virus:
This virus hijacks all high priority processes and generates page faults for them. At times, this virus may also celebrate the CPU*s birthday.

Deve Gowda Virus:
The main characterestic of this virus is that it tries to schedule all the processes at the same time. This virus services all the request for resources,and allocates them irrespective of whether they are available or not.

Jayalalitha Virus:
This actually is a family of viruses. Each member of this virus family grab as much of hard disk space as possible,while the main virus is totally unaware of it. When everything stops working,this virus blames the user for the whole chaos.

I.K. Gujral Virus:
Before executing any instruction, this virus calls tries to get the approval of 18 other viruses and most of the time, one of the viruses blocks the instruction. So Gujral virus most of the time does not execute anything. While it is not doing anything, as it is always, this virus connects to the Internet and keeps sending data to all major/minor countries in the World except India w/o receiving the replies.

Veerappan virus:
This virus plays hide and seek. it captures some resources and releases them after sometime. it sometimes seems to be eradicated but suddenly reappears.

Laloo Yadav virus:
A dangerous virus, gulps all the resources as well as it corrupts the data. If you try to use scanner, During hibernation,it will rename its signature with another deadly virus of the same family. This virus takes help from other viruses to avoid scanning.

Mulayam Virus:
Whatever way, it will try to grab resources of the system, it's only task is to abort BJP processes. this virus hangs the system by sending conflicting signals to different hardware units.

Sonia Gandhi Virus:
Once a part of most deadly virus family of the world. No scanner can detect now, how much damage it can cause to the system, but people use Bofors scanner for temporary protection.

Kashi-Maya Virus:
It's also called the Dalit virus, it destabilizes the co-ordination amongst different resources, It controls & steps the low priority resources from functioning. Lot of scanners available now to kill it. Other viruses are thriving by splitting this virus.

Half a Brain

Q: What do you call an Indian Girl with half a brain?

A: Gifted!

Aisi Apni wife Ho

Aisi Apni wife Ho
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Apni aaisee wife hoo.
5'6" jiski height ho,
Jeans tight tight ho,
Chehra jiska bright ho,
Umar 22 se 27 ho,
Aise apni Wife ho.

Sadak per sab kahen kya cute ho,
Bhir me sab kahen side ho, side ho,
Pindi, Islamabad ya Peshawar ki paidaish ho,
Saas ki khidmat jiski khwahish ho
Aisi apni Wife ho.

Padosi jab baat karay to haath me knife ho,
Dinner ke waqt candle light ho,
Ham me tum me kabhi na koi fight ho,
Milnay ke baad dil delight ho,
Aise apni Wife ho.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
LADKI KA JAWAB
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

6'-6'2" jiski height ho
jeans dheeli magar body tight ho
bewi ka her nakhra uthaye, itna mizaaj uska light ho
husband apna aisa bright ho
uff tak na kare itna quiet ho
dinner banaye wo jab bhi romantic night ho
shopping ker ke jab bhi aoon, bolay begum
tum kitni nice ho
husband apna aisa bright ho

mujhay rani bana ker rakhay, to phir zindagi delight ho
saas sussar ke samne kahay, jaan tum hamesha right ho
hamesha jo haar maan jaye, jab bhi kabhi fight ho
husband apna aisa bright ho
jaha chahoon jaoon, jo chahy karoon, kuch is tarah ki life ho
her doosray week ghoomne phirne ki flight ho
aisa ho jaye to mein urron aasman mein,
jaisay ke kite ho
husband apna aisa bright ho

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