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Cunning OAP's!

Cunning OAP's!

A man wakes one morning and feels on top of the world after he has been using a new 'Hide Your Age' cream. He goes down the road and buys the paper and the lady behind the counter says "you look very happy and vibrant today sir".

He replies "I feel wonderful how old do you think I am"? the lady replies "40 years old". "I'm actually only 48".

Away he goes feeling even more confident and happy. He goes in to a smoke shop and buys some smokes this time and tries his luck with the man behind the counter and asks him how old he thinks he is "oh about 35 is his reply."

Well the man is absolutely over the moon and replies "I'm actually 48." Away he goes thinking this cream is the best. Lunchtime comes and off to McDonalds he goes and orders lunch. Feeling great he asks the young girl at the counter how old does she thinks he is, her reply is "33". "No I'm actually 48 years young wow".

While he waits for the bus on the way home he decides to try his luck one more time on the really old lady who is also waiting for the bus and asks her how old she thinks he is.

The old lady says I have a sure fire way of telling how old you are but I must put my hand down the front of your pants. The guy looks around and no one is in sight so he thinks what the hell go for it Granay.

After about a minute of aggressive fondling the bloke says to the lady "so how old am I"?

The granny looks up with a smile and says 48 years old. The bloke astounded says "how did you know my exact age"?

The Grannys reply "I was standing in the line behind you at McDonalds".




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A debt repaid?

Two couples were playing cards. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Bill's wife was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, John hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed him and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" John admitted that, well, yes he did. She said "You can have it, but it will cost you $100."

After a minute or two John indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should come to her house around 2:00 pm on Friday. Friday came and John went to her house at 2:00 pm. After paying her $100 they went to the bedroom, had sex, and then John left.

Bill came home about 6:00 pm. He asked his wife, "Did John come by this afternoon?"

Reluctantly, she replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes."

Next Bill asked, "Did John give you $100?"

She thinks 'Oh hell, he knows!' Finally she says, "Yes, he did give me $100."

"Good," Bill says. "John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back.

Bet

The Little Old Lady and the Bet

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of, money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"

After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$5,165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.

The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?"

The old lady replied, "I make bets."

The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"

The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $525,000 that your balls are square."

"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet! The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $525,000 that my balls are not square!"

The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?"

"Sure!" replied the confident president.

That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.

The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet.

"$525,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president, "$525,000 is a lot of money,so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?"

She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $5,100,000 that at 10:00 am today, I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand.

The brothers having all the fun!

In a farm in Montana, a man comes down the stairs one morning and greets his wife who's making breakfast by grabbing and squeezing her buttocks roughly.

"Y'know dear", he says, "if that thing could lay eggs, we'd could get rid of our chickens".

She looks at him with a tired smile, clearly showing her distaste at his manners but says nothing. The man proceeds to roughly grab and squeeze one of her breasts.

"Y'know dear," he adds, "If these things could give milk, we could get rid of the cows."

Quite exasperated, the woman puts down her spatula and very roughly grabs for her husbands testicules and penis. "Y'know DEAR," she mutters through clenched teeth, "if that THING could stay hard, we could get rid of your BROTHER!".

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