Cowboy Boots

Cowboy Boots

Roy always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them and wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife, Bessie, "Notice anything different about me?" Bessie looks him over and says, "Nope."

Frustrated, Roy storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room with nothing on, except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different now?!?"

Bessie looks up and says, "Roy, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Roy yells, "And do you know why it is hanging down, Bessie? It's hanging down because it's looking at my new boots!"

To which Bessie replies, "You should bought a hat, Roy."

More Sexy Jokes

Calling Husband

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives.

Lucy said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does."

Betty giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."

Lorraine quietly sipped her until Betty finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?"

Lorraine frowned and said, "The postman."

"Why the postman?" asked Lucy.

"Because, he always delivers late and half the time it's in the wrong box."

True Statements

* Behind every successful man, there is a great woman and behind every great woman, there is a smart guy staring at her butt.

* If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.

* Opinion is like an ass hole, everyone has one.

* A mistress lies between a mister and a mattress.

* Squirrel who runs up woman's leg do not find nuts.

* If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK.

* Sex is the price women have to pay for marriage. Marriage is the price men have to pay for sex.

* Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".

* If you think sex is a pain in the ass, you're doing it wrong.

* Prostitution is a hole sale business.

* A tight dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view.

* It is good for woman to meet man in park, but better for man to park meat in woman.

* Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.

* Guns don't kill people... Husbands who come home early kill people.

* Getting married is like getting into a bath tub. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.

* Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy!

Too smart

Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her first-grade pupils.

"Johnny, what is your problem?"

Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first Grade. My sister is in third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

Ms Brooks had enough, so she took Johnny to the principal's office.

The principal agreed that he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.

He started by asking Johnny some simple arithmetic.

"What is three times three?"

"Nine, Sir."

"How much is nine times six?"


And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looked at Ms Brooks and said, "I think Johnny can go to third grade! He seems smart enough."

Ms Brooks said to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"

The principal and Johnny both agreed.

Ms Brooks asked, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Johnny, after a moment, answered "Legs, Ma'am"

"What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"


"OK, what does a dog do that a man steps into?"


"What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"

"Coconut. !"

"What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny was taking charge.


"What does a man do standing up, a woman does! sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

"Shake hands, Ma'am."

"Now for some "Who am I" sort of questions, OK? First one. You stick your poles inside me, you tie me down to get me up, and I get wet before you do."

Johnny, quick as ever, answered, "Tent!"

"OK, a finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first."

The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense.

But Johnny was on the ball with "Wedding Ring!"

"I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good."


"Right, I have a stiff shaft, my tip penetrates, and I come with a quiver."


"Good, now for the last one. What word starts with an 'F', ends in K', and means a lot of heat and excitement?"

"Fire truck, Ma'am!"

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send him to university!!!!, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"

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