Two little kids are in a hospital lying on stretchers next to each other outside an operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out, and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up, they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze."
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
"A circumcision", the first kid answers.
Whoa! the second kid says. "Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year."
More Medical Jokes
Old Mendel Rugelbaum was very old and suffering from a rare disease and could drink only human milk.
"How can I get human milk?" Mendel asked the doctor.
"Well, Ruby just had a baby, maybe she'll help."
So every day Mendel went to Ruby's house for his daily feed. Ruby was a dark-eyed, big breasted lady, who, in spite of herself, gradually became aroused as Mendel lapped at her ripe breasts.
One day as he quietly lay sucking, she whispered to him, " Tell me Mr. Rugelbaum, do you like it?"
"Mmmm, wonderful," he sighed.
"Is there....," she hesitated, her lips parted, eyes aglow, "is there anything else you'd like?"
"As a matter of fact there is," murmured Mendel.
"What?" Ruby asked breathlessly.
Mendel licked his lips. "Maybe a little biscuit?"
Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed in front of each other for the first time. He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.
"What happened to you feet?" his wife asked.
"I had a childhood disease called tolio."
"Don't you mean polio?"
"No, tolio, it only affects the toes."
He then removed his pants and revealed an awful looking pair of knees.
"What happened to your knees?" she asked.
"Well, I also had kneesles."
"Don't you mean measles?"
"No, kneesles, it only affects the knees."
When he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said, "Don't tell me; you also had smallcox!"
A woman is just about to give birth in the hospital when she says to the doctor, "Doc, do me a favor. Tell me what color the baby is as it's being born."
The doctor is understandably a little puzzled at this. "Why? Don't you know what color the child is going to be?"
"Well", says the woman, "The problem is that I'm a porn actress and the child was conceived during the making of a film. I have no idea who the father is."
"Okay", says the doctor, "I'll do it for you, but it is most unusual."
The baby begins to be born and the doctor says, "Here comes the head! It seems to have Yellowish skin and the eyes are slanted. Was one of the actors Chinese?"
"Yes, doctor he was," says the woman.
"Wait", says the doctor, "The chest and arms are out and they seem to be very dark. Was one of the actors black?"
"Yes, doctor he was."
"Wait, now the legs are out and they're very fair. Was one of the actors Norwegian?"
"Yes, doctor he was."
So, the doctor pulls the baby free and gives it the traditional slap on the backside. The baby lets out a healthy "Waaaahh" and starts crying.
"Oh, thank God for that!" says the woman. "For a moment there, I expected it to bark!"