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Desperate times

Desperate times

A coal miner came down from the hills and walked into a bar. He ordered a drink and looked around seeing only men. He asked the bartender "Where are all the women at?"

"We don't have any here." came the reply.

"What do you all do for pleasure?" The miner asked.

"We do it with the animals."

Disgusted, the miner left and headed back to the hills.

Months later he returned to the establishment, after downing numerous whiskeys, he asked the bartender, "Y'all really do it to animals?"

"Yeah, we do," he insisted.

The drunken miner stepped outside and saw a pig run into the alley. He quickly ran a caught the sow by the hind legs and started screwing it.

Midway through, he realized the whole town was watching him in horror.

"My God!" the bartender yelled. "What're you doing?"

"You told me y'all did it with the animals here," the miner muttered.

"Yeah", the bartender replied, "but no one fucks the sheriffs girl!"




More Sexy Jokes

Still a virgin

How to check if the man is still a virgin.

A very straight and honest girl is going to Kuala Lumpur. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice.

"Daughter, when you're in KL and if you're looking for a match there, you must take note of the following requirements Mother set for you. You must find a man that is 'faithful', not 'spendthrift' and must be a 'virgin'."

With this advise from her mother, the girl went to Town. After some months later, she came home to her kampung to get her mother's blessings to marry.

"Mother, I've met my match following your instructions. My future husband is faithful because when we went out for a holiday one day, he took care of me specifically even though there were so many prettier girls around. Isn't that being faithful?".

Her mother nodded in agreement.

"Then, since the day was getting late in the night and rain was pouring, my boyfriend decided that we stay the night at a hotel. He also suggested that in order not to spend too much, we shared one room only. Isn't he not spendthrift guy?"

For the second time her mother nodded her head in agreement, but with a little concern.

"And finally mum..., I know he is a virgin".

"How did you know he is still a virgin?" The mother asked with her open wide eyes.

"Mmm....his 'that one' is new...... still wrapped up in plastic, mum!"

Freezing cold

An Amish woman and her very innocent daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold, blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold."

The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up."

The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day, the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, "My hands are freezing cold."

The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up."

He did and it warmed his hands.

The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My nose is cold."

The girl replied "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up."

He did and it warmed his nose.

The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter and said, "My penis is frozen solid."

The following day, the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?"

Slightly concerned the mother said, "Why, yes. Why do you ask?"

The daughter replies, "They make one heck of a mess when they defrost, don't they?"

10 questions

Read through and then see answers below:-

1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?

2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?

3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?

4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard. What am I?

5. All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?

6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me you feel good. What am I?

7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?

8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?

9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I?

10. I'm at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I?


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Answers:-

1. a dentist

2. a wedding ring

3. peanut butter

4. chewing gum

5. an elevator

6. a nose

7. a newspaper boy

8. a glove

9. a crane

10. a toothbrush, of course

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