Smart Ass Johnny

Smart Ass Johnny

Johnny always wanted to have sex with this hot blonde girl in his office but she belonged to someone else. One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said: "I will give you a $100 if you let me have you" but the girl said "NO".

Johnny said I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up.

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult with her boyfriend. So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down. So she agrees and accepts the proposal.

Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened. She said "The Son of Bitch used coins and I had to keep my word."

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Desperate times

A coal miner came down from the hills and walked into a bar. He ordered a drink and looked around seeing only men. He asked the bartender "Where are all the women at?"

"We don't have any here." came the reply.

"What do you all do for pleasure?" The miner asked.

"We do it with the animals."

Disgusted, the miner left and headed back to the hills.

Months later he returned to the establishment, after downing numerous whiskeys, he asked the bartender, "Y'all really do it to animals?"

"Yeah, we do," he insisted.

The drunken miner stepped outside and saw a pig run into the alley. He quickly ran a caught the sow by the hind legs and started screwing it.

Midway through, he realized the whole town was watching him in horror.

"My God!" the bartender yelled. "What're you doing?"

"You told me y'all did it with the animals here," the miner muttered.

"Yeah", the bartender replied, "but no one fucks the sheriffs girl!"

Still a virgin

How to check if the man is still a virgin.

A very straight and honest girl is going to Kuala Lumpur. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice.

"Daughter, when you're in KL and if you're looking for a match there, you must take note of the following requirements Mother set for you. You must find a man that is 'faithful', not 'spendthrift' and must be a 'virgin'."

With this advise from her mother, the girl went to Town. After some months later, she came home to her kampung to get her mother's blessings to marry.

"Mother, I've met my match following your instructions. My future husband is faithful because when we went out for a holiday one day, he took care of me specifically even though there were so many prettier girls around. Isn't that being faithful?".

Her mother nodded in agreement.

"Then, since the day was getting late in the night and rain was pouring, my boyfriend decided that we stay the night at a hotel. He also suggested that in order not to spend too much, we shared one room only. Isn't he not spendthrift guy?"

For the second time her mother nodded her head in agreement, but with a little concern.

"And finally mum..., I know he is a virgin".

"How did you know he is still a virgin?" The mother asked with her open wide eyes.

"Mmm....his 'that one' is new...... still wrapped up in plastic, mum!"

Freezing cold

An Amish woman and her very innocent daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold, blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold."

The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up."

The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day, the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, "My hands are freezing cold."

The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up."

He did and it warmed his hands.

The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My nose is cold."

The girl replied "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up."

He did and it warmed his nose.

The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter and said, "My penis is frozen solid."

The following day, the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?"

Slightly concerned the mother said, "Why, yes. Why do you ask?"

The daughter replies, "They make one heck of a mess when they defrost, don't they?"

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