The Ribbion Solution

The Ribbion Solution

A couple has a dog that snores, annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help.

The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles, and he will stop snoring. "Yeah right!" she says.

A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring, as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring the woman is amazed.

Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins snoring loudly. The woman decides maybe the ribbon might work on him So, she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly.

The husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees the blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees the red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles. He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers, "I don't know where we were ...or what we did ...but, by God ...We took FIRST and SECOND place."

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Smart Ass Johnny

Johnny always wanted to have sex with this hot blonde girl in his office but she belonged to someone else. One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said: "I will give you a $100 if you let me have you" but the girl said "NO".

Johnny said I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up.

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult with her boyfriend. So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down. So she agrees and accepts the proposal.

Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened. She said "The Son of Bitch used coins and I had to keep my word."

Desperate times

A coal miner came down from the hills and walked into a bar. He ordered a drink and looked around seeing only men. He asked the bartender "Where are all the women at?"

"We don't have any here." came the reply.

"What do you all do for pleasure?" The miner asked.

"We do it with the animals."

Disgusted, the miner left and headed back to the hills.

Months later he returned to the establishment, after downing numerous whiskeys, he asked the bartender, "Y'all really do it to animals?"

"Yeah, we do," he insisted.

The drunken miner stepped outside and saw a pig run into the alley. He quickly ran a caught the sow by the hind legs and started screwing it.

Midway through, he realized the whole town was watching him in horror.

"My God!" the bartender yelled. "What're you doing?"

"You told me y'all did it with the animals here," the miner muttered.

"Yeah", the bartender replied, "but no one fucks the sheriffs girl!"

Still a virgin

How to check if the man is still a virgin.

A very straight and honest girl is going to Kuala Lumpur. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice.

"Daughter, when you're in KL and if you're looking for a match there, you must take note of the following requirements Mother set for you. You must find a man that is 'faithful', not 'spendthrift' and must be a 'virgin'."

With this advise from her mother, the girl went to Town. After some months later, she came home to her kampung to get her mother's blessings to marry.

"Mother, I've met my match following your instructions. My future husband is faithful because when we went out for a holiday one day, he took care of me specifically even though there were so many prettier girls around. Isn't that being faithful?".

Her mother nodded in agreement.

"Then, since the day was getting late in the night and rain was pouring, my boyfriend decided that we stay the night at a hotel. He also suggested that in order not to spend too much, we shared one room only. Isn't he not spendthrift guy?"

For the second time her mother nodded her head in agreement, but with a little concern.

"And finally mum..., I know he is a virgin".

"How did you know he is still a virgin?" The mother asked with her open wide eyes.

"Mmm....his 'that one' is new...... still wrapped up in plastic, mum!"

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