Good & Bad News

Good & Bad News

One day God came to Adam to pass on some news. "I've got some good news and some bad news", God said. Adam looked at God and said, "Well, give me the good news first."

Smiling, God explained, "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet.

Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children." Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"

God looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time."

More Sexy Jokes

Dress of Love

An old woman went to visit her daughter and she found her naked, waiting for her husband.

The mother asks the daughter, "What are you doing naked?"

The daughter responds, "This is the dress of love."

When the mother returns home, she strips naked and waits for her husband.

When her husband arrives, he asks her, "What are you doing naked?"

She responds, "This is the dress of love."

"Well," he says to her, "go iron it."

Psuedo Virgin...

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says "Doc, I'm getting married this week-end and my fiancee thinks I'm a virgin, is there anything you can do to help me"?

After the doctor stopped laughing, he says, "Medically, no, but here's something you can try...on the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh, when your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping."

The woman loves this idea, and knows her hubby-to-be will fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man.

Things begin to progress, her hubby "slips it in", she snaps the elastic band, and the hubby asks, "what the *@#% was that?

The wife explains, "oh nothing honey, that was just my virginity snapping".

The husband cries out, "Well snap it again, it's got my balls!!!!"

The Ribbion Solution

A couple has a dog that snores, annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help.

The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles, and he will stop snoring. "Yeah right!" she says.

A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring, as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring the woman is amazed.

Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins snoring loudly. The woman decides maybe the ribbon might work on him So, she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly.

The husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees the blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees the red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles. He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers, "I don't know where we were ...or what we did ...but, by God ...We took FIRST and SECOND place."

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