13... 13... 13...
A man is walking past a high wooden fence surrounding an insane asylum. As he walks by he hears the people inside vigorously chanting, "Thirteen, Thirteen, Thirteen."
His curiosity aroused, the man leans over and looks through a knot hole in the fence.
Someone inside pokes him in the eye. Immediately, the chanting inside turns to shouting, "Fourteen, Fourteen, Fourteen."
More Funny Jokes
Two guys in a car drive right through the red light. "Man, you just ran that red light!" exclaimed the passenger. "Don't worry, my brother does it all the time," said the driver.
They continue driving through town and then proceed to drive through another stop light. "You just ran another stop light! You're going to get us killed!" screamed the nervous passenger. "Don't worry, my brother does it all the time," repeated the driver.
Moments later, they approached a green light and they came to a halting stop. "Why are you stopping?" asked the anxious passenger. The driver turned and said, "Because my brother might be coming!"
An idiot was waiting in the down-town L. A. bus station for the bus to Pasadena. He spotted a machine with a sign that read: "YOUR HEIGHT, YOUR WEIGHT, YOUR FORTUNE $1.00"
He stepped on the scale and dropped a dollar bill in the slot. Out came a card that said: "You are 5 feet 10 inches tall. You weigh 160 pounds, and you are waiting for the bus to Pasadena."
The idiot said, "How did that machine know that? Well, I'll fool it." He went downstairs to the men's room, rolled up his coat collar, pulled down the brim of his hat, and put on a fake beard.
He tiptoed back up the stairs, sneaked along the wall, spun around and jumped on the scale and quickly placed another dollar in the slot.
Out came a card that read: "You are 5 feet 10 inches tall, you weigh 160 pounds, and while you were screwing around down in the men's room, you missed the bus to Pasadena."
A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?"
Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?"
The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make."
And she says, "So have I, love."
To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks."