Sara Pipalini

Sara Pipalini

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven where they are met by St. Peter at the pearly gates.

St.Peter says "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I'm granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want".

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren" and POOF she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna" and POOF she's gone.

The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini".

St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says.

"Sara Pipalini" replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, that name just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.

He reads the paper and starts laughing. "No Sister, he laughs, this says 'Sahara Pipeline, laid by 500 men in 7 days!"

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Fishing with grandpa

This kid and his grandfather were going fishing one day and the grandfather pulls out a cigar. At this time in the morning the bugs were really biting and so the kid asked his grandfather if he could have one. His garndfathers said, "Can you touch your ass with your dick?" The kid replied, "no." "Then no you can't", said the grandfather.

A little bit later in the day about noon Old Grandad pulls out a nice cold beer. This afternoon was particularly hot so the kid said, "hey grandad can I have one of those to cool me off?" "Can you touch your ass with your dick son?", the grandad replied "No", says the kid. "Then sorry but no", says the grandad.

After they finish fishing they stop at sheetz and ol' grandad buys some smokes and two lottery tickets. The kid asks, "Grandad can I have one of those lottery tickets?" Grandad replies, "Sure couldn't hurt."

Grandad scratches off his lottery ticket and yells, "Son of... goddamn waste of money... never win on these damn... ugh" The kid schratches off his ticket and yells in excitement that he won $10,000. Grandad says, "Thats great! $5,000 for you and $5,000 for me!" Kid asked his grandfather if he could touch his ass with his dick and the grand father replied, "Hell yeah!" Then the kid answered, "Good! Then you can go fuck yourself!"

Two complaints

A man was carrying two babies, one in each arm, while waiting for a train. Along came this woman, seeing the two cute babies, started asking the man, "Aren't they cute, what are their names?"

The man gave the lady an angry look and replied, "I don't know."

The lady asked again, "Which is the boy and which is the girl?"

The man looking angrier than before replied, "I don't know."

The woman then started to scold the man, "What kind of a father are you?"

The man replied, "I am not their father, I am just a condom salesman and these are two complaints that I am taking back to my company."

Tomatoes and cucumbers

Once there was a beautiful woman who loved to work in her vegetable garden, but no matter what she did, she couldn't get her tomatoes to ripen. Admiring her neighbor's garden, which had beautiful bright red tomatoes, she went one day and inquired of him his secret.

"It's really quite simple," the old man explained. "Twice each day, in the morning and in the evening, I expose myself in front of the tomatoes and they turn red with embarrassment."

Desperate for the perfect garden, she tried his advice and proceeded to expose herself to her plants twice daily. Two weeks passed and her neighbor stopped by to check her progress. "So," he asked, "Any luck with your tomatoes?"

"No," she replied excitedly..."But you should see the size of my cucumbers!"

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