Santa in ICU
A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care ward, put in a bed, tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition.
Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc. a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, "Bengali."
The other patient signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, "Punjabi."
This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say, "Calcutta."
Other replied in a weedy frail voice, "Ludhiana."
Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, "Asit."
Replied the other, "Santa."
A few hours later, Asit managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, "Cancer."
Santa responded, "Sagittarius."
More Sardar Jokes
There was a couple, Banta and Preeto, going at it for the first time, and they were going at it for a while when suddenly Banta asks Preeto to open her legs a little wider.
She does and they continue.
A few minutes go by and Banta asks her again, "Open your legs a little wider".
Preeto does, then he asks again, "a little wider hun".
Preeto starts getting pissed off but she does it. Till finally he asks again, "Can you open them just a little wider?"
So she finally yells, "What are you trying to do get your balls in too?"
Banta says, "No, I'm trying to get them out."
Banta was getting ready to close his bar for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun.
He yells to Banta, "This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!"
The scared Banta pleads, "Don't shoot, please! I'll do as you say!"
The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!"
Banta says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a wife and kids! I'll do whatever you say!"
The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the Banta's head and says, Alright, now give me a blowjob!"
"Anything!" cries Banta, "Just don't shoot!"
Banta starts to blow the crook. As the crook gets excited, he drops the gun.
Banta sees the gun on the floor, picks it up, hands it back to the crook and yells, "Hold the gun, damn it! Somebody might walk in!"
It's 10:00 PM at a gambling casino. Two bored dealers, our Santa and Banta, are waiting around for someone to walk up and try their luck at the craps table.
A very attractive lady comes in and wants to bet Five lakh rupees on a single roll of the dice. Santa and Banta agree.
She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm bottomless."
With that she strips naked from the waist down, and rolls the dice while yelling, "Momma needs a new pair of pants!"
She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers. "YES! I WIN! I WIN!"
With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves. Santa and Banta just stare at each other dumbfounded.
Finally Santa asks, "What did she roll anyway?"
Banta answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching the dice!"