Lesbian!

Santa and Banta are sitting in a bar sipping Black Label Johnny Walker when Banta noticed a gorgeous girl sitting by herself in a corner. As he was getting up to talk to her.

Bartender:- "Hey don't worry about her, She is lesbian!"'

Banta:- "Lesbian or no lesbian, I get them all"

....and he stylishly holding his whiskey in his left hand walked to her table. Then leaping forward in a very sexy voice he says, "Honey where exactly in Lesbia, you from?"




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Massage Service

A salesman checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely. He was single so he got to thinking about some female company. So, he thought he'd get one of those girls you see advertised in phone books from one of the "escort" services. He picked a number and dialed it.

A woman answered, "Hello?"

"Hi, I hear you do escorts and massages and I'd like you to come to my hotel room and give me a massage. And after that I want sex! In fact I want jungle sex . . . wild, crazy hanging-from-the-chandelier type sex! I'm talking kinky, the whole night, you name it we'll do it!

Bring all kinds of sex toys too! I don't care what they are, you can use them on me! You can even tie me up and then cover me in whipped cream!

Now how does that sound?" he asked.

The woman said, "Interesting sir, but for an outside line you press 9."

Valentine Day flower

One day this girl was talking to her friend and she said to her, "My boyfriend bought me flowers for Valentines day this year so I guess I have to put my legs in the air for him.", and her friend replied, "Why? Don't you have a vase?"

Lost tourist

Once there was a tourist lost in the deepest part of the Amazon. After a few days, he finds himself suddenly surrounded by hundreds of blood-thirsty natives. He looks up to the sky and says, "Oh my God, I'm screwed!!"

All of a sudden, the sky opens up, and there is a beam of light streaming down on him, and a voice booms out, "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your foot, and smash it onto the skull of the chief."

So the tourist looks down, and sees the stone. He picks it up, and bashes the life out of the chief, who is standing right in front of him. The chief is down on the ground, bleeding and lifeless, with his tribesmen in shock and disbelief.

Now, the sky opens up once again, and the voice booms out... "NOW, you're screwed."

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