Gay Hell

After having died and gone to Hell, Joe is sitting on a rock, depressed. The Devil is passing by, sees Joe, and asks "Why are you so depressed?"

Joe's reply is, "Look, I died, I ended up in Hell, you figure it out!"

"It's not that bad here, you know." says old pointed tail. "You like to drink?"

"Well yeah, I like to get drunk now and again."

"See, every Monday is open bar, all you and drink. How about smoking, any kind of cigar or pipe or tobacco you want on Tuesdays."

"OK. Maybe. I do like a good cigar now and then."

"Good, Good. How about gambling? You like to gamble? Casino Day on wednesdays. And all the Drugs you can do on Thursdays."

"Sounds good." Joe says. "What about Fridays?"

"Well, are you gay?" questions the Devil.

"NO! I AM NOT A GAY!" shouts Joe.

The Devil shakes his head and laughs, "Your gonna HATE Fridays then."

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Making Money

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her. "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."

"Damn!" says the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?"

"Oh no," says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game; a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flowerbeds! So I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: '$20 or off it comes!'"

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "Okay, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well," says the little old lady, "not all of them pay up."

Sex Service

A guy went to Vegas for the first time in his life. He was very curious about the sex services offered there. Through a bellboy, he found the best in town.

When the lady came, he asked, "How much is your service?"

The lady said, "$100 for a hand job."

"What? Why so expensive?" the guy asked in amazement.

The lady pulled the guy to the window and asked him, "Do you see that shiny red Porsche down there? That's what I earned by my hand!"

The guy was convinced and decided to try her service. It was great! So he asked, "What else can you do?"

The lady said, "For $200 I'll give you a blowjob."

"What? That's way too expensive for a blow job!" he replied.

The lady brought him to the window again, and said, "Do you see the restaurant down there? That's what I've earned with my mouth!"

So the guy decided to go for it and gave her $200. It was unbelievable! So he decided he wanted to try the "real" thing. So he asked, "How much for real intercourse?"

The lady pulled him over to the window again, and said, "Do you see that skyscraper there? It would have been mine a long time ago if I had a pussy!"

Small Partitions

Business was good at the local whorehouse and the madam decided to partition one of larger rooms. After the work was complete the carpenter asked for payment but was put off.

After several weeks he still hadn't been paid and he regularly threatened, "Pay me or I'll rip out the partition."

Finally the madam offered to pay him in trade.

"Take any girl in the house and have your pleasure with her."

"I'll take you."

"Me? I'm an old lady. Take one of those young, good looking chicks."

"I want you."

So he took her upstairs and removed all her clothes, laid her on her back and put one finger in her pussy and one finger in her butt.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I told you before. Pay me or I'll rip out the partition."

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