No screwing

No screwing

A married couple have been stranded on a deserted island for many years. One day another man washes up on shore. He and the wife become attracted to each other right away, but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky-panky. The husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there. "Now we will be able to have three people doing eight hour shifts in the watchtower, rather than two people doing 12-hour shifts."

The newcomer is only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tower to stand watch. Soon the couple on the ground are placing stones in a circle to make a fire to cook supper. The second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!" They yell back, "We're not screwing!"

A few minutes later they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again the second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!" Again they yell back, "We're not screwing!" Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof of their shack to patch leaks. Once again the second man yells down, "Hey, I said no screwing!" They yell back, "We're not screwing!"

Eventually the shift is over and the second man climbs down from the tower to be replaced by the husband. He's not even halfway up before the wife and her new friend are hard at it. The husband looks out from the tower and says, "Son-of-a-gun. From up here it DOES look like they're screwing.

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My Birthday

Two weeks ago was my 44th birthday and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning. I went down to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday" and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say "Good Morning", let alone any "Happy Birthday." I thought, "Well, that's wives for you. The children will remember. "The children came down to breakfast and didn't say a word.

When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet said, "Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday." I felt a little better. Someone had remembered. I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know it is such a beautiful day outside and it is your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go.

We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go. We went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it is such a beautiful day, we don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable. Sure," I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends. They were all singing Happy Birthday.......and.......
...there I sat on the couch.......naked.


A man goes to a doctor and says " What shall I do? I've just been raped by an elephant!"

The doctor tells him to bend over so he can have a look at his ass.

"That's funny!" He says

"Your asshole is 10 inches wide! I thought elephants only had thin long dicks?" The man says " Yeah but he fingered me first!"

Gay Hell

After having died and gone to Hell, Joe is sitting on a rock, depressed. The Devil is passing by, sees Joe, and asks "Why are you so depressed?"

Joe's reply is, "Look, I died, I ended up in Hell, you figure it out!"

"It's not that bad here, you know." says old pointed tail. "You like to drink?"

"Well yeah, I like to get drunk now and again."

"See, every Monday is open bar, all you and drink. How about smoking, any kind of cigar or pipe or tobacco you want on Tuesdays."

"OK. Maybe. I do like a good cigar now and then."

"Good, Good. How about gambling? You like to gamble? Casino Day on wednesdays. And all the Drugs you can do on Thursdays."

"Sounds good." Joe says. "What about Fridays?"

"Well, are you gay?" questions the Devil.

"NO! I AM NOT A GAY!" shouts Joe.

The Devil shakes his head and laughs, "Your gonna HATE Fridays then."

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