Wife: "See thats my 1st boyfriend at the bar", he is drinking since I left him 10 years ago.
Husband: Nonsense, no one can celebrates that long.
More Marriage Jokes
North Indian Wife vs South Indian Wife
*** WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A North Indian GIRL as WIFE ***
1. At the time of marriage, a north Indian girl has more boyfriends than her age.
2. Before marriage, she looks almost like a bollywood heroine and after marriage you have to go around her twice to completely hug her.
3. By the time she professes her undevoted love to you, you are bankrupt because of the number of times you had to take her out to movies, theatres and restaurants. And you wait longingly for her dowry.
4. The only dishes she can think of to cook is paneer butter masala, aloo sabji, aloo gobi sabji, aloo matar, aloo paneer, that after eating all those paneer and aloos you are either in the bed with chronic cholestrol or chronic gas disorder.
5. The only growth that you see later in your career is the rise in your monthly phone bill.
6. You are blinded by her love that you think that she is a blonde. Only later do you come to know that it is because of the mehandhi that she applies to cover her grey hair.
7. When you come home from office she is very busy watching "Kyonki saas bhi kabi bahu thi" that you either end up eating outside or cooking yourself.
8. You are a very "ESpecial" person to her.
9. She always thought that Madras is a state and covers the whole of south India until she met you.
10. When she says she is going to "work out" she means she is going to "walk out"
11. She has greater number of relatives than the number of people you have in your home town.
12. The only two sentences in English that she knows are "Thank you" and "How are you"
*** WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A South Indian GIRL as WIFE ***
1. Her mother looks down at you because you didn't study in IIT or Madras / Anna University .
2. Her father starts or ends every conversation with " ... I say..."
3. She shudders if you use four letter words.
4. She has long hair, neatly oiled and braided (The Dubai based Oil Well Company will negotiate with her on a 25 year contract to extract coconut oil from her hair.)
5. She uses the word 'Super' as her only superlative.
6. Her name is another name for a Goddess or a flower.
7. Her first name is longer than your first name, middle name and surname combined (unless you are from Andhra)
8. When she mixes milk/curd and rice you are never sure whether it is for the dog or for herself.
9. For weddings, she sports a mini jasmine garden on her head and wears silk saris in the Madras heat without looking too uncomfortable while you are melting in your singlet.
10. Her favourite cricketer is Krishnamachari Srikkanth.
11. Her favourite food is dosa though she has tried North Indian snacks like Chats (pronounced like the slang for 'conversation')
12. She bores you by telling you which raaga each song you hear is based on.
13. You have to give her jewellery, though she has already got plenty of it ..
14. Her Mangal Sutra weighs more than the championship belts worn by WWF wrestlers.
15. Her father thinks she is much smarter than you.
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom
to understand my man,
Love to forgive him,
and Patience for his moods.
Because Lord, if I pray
for Strength, I'll beat
him to death.
You've all heard of the U.S. Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as Area 51?
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their secret base, They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-thing" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.
The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane... only this time there were two people in the plane.
The same pilot jumped out and said, Do anything you want to me, lock me up, throw away the key, ANYTHING you want! But my wife is in the plane with me and you have GOT to tell her where I was last night!