Where did I come from?

Where did I come from?

"Daddy, where did I come from?" the seven-year-old asked her father Santa.

It was a moment for which Santa and Jeeto had carefully prepared. They took her into the living room, got out the encyclopedia and several other books, and explained all they thought she should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproductions. Then they both sat back and smiled contentedly.

"Does that answer your question?" Santa asked.

"Not really," the little girl said. "Dolly said she came from Delhi. I want to know where I came from."

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Fall asleep

One day, a man went the priest at his church and said, "Priest, my wife keeps falling asleep during your services. I want you to do something about it." The priest thought about it for a little while and took out a huge foot long needle. He said, "Every time your wife falls asleep, I'll wave me hand like this," (waves hand in weird way). "When I do that, I want you to stick the needle in her arm. Then she'll wake up. " The man thought that was a good idea, so he decided to try it out.

On Sunday, he and his wife went to the service. The man was fully confident that his plan would work. During the service, the priest asked questions to the people there. His first question was, "Who is our savior?" At that same time, the man's wife had fallen asleep, and the priest made his hand wave. In response, the man shoved the needle deep into her arm. She woke up screaming, "JESUS!!!" The priest said, "Very good."

The wife didn't know what he was talking about. She was just yelling at how mad and surprised she was. Later in the service, the priest asked, "Who is our redeemer?" At the same time, the wife was asleep, the priest made the hand signal, and the man stabbed his wife with the needle. She woke up screaming, "GOD!!!" The priest said, "Very good." At this point, the wife was extremely pissed off.

The priest asked one more question. As he did this, he waved his hand by mistake, and the man stabbed his wife while she was awake. The priest asked, "What did Eve say to Adam when she gave birth to his 99th child?" As he finished with the question, he heard someone screaming, "IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!!!!!!"

First time

I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a package of condoms. There was a beautiful woman behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked, if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, "No."

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store. It was empty.

She said, "Just a minute." And walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. She asked, "Do these excite you?"

Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head.

She then said, it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and laid down on a desk. "Well, come on", she said, "We don't have much time." So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and pow, I was done within a few minutes.

She looked at me with a frown. "Did you put that condom on?" I said, "I sure did." And held up my thumb to show her.

Is that you Janet?

Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks.

Hillary says to Janet, "You're lucky that you don't have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker."

Janet responded. "Just because I am considered ugly, doesn't mean I don't have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances."

Hillary asks, "Well how do you deal with the problem?"

Janet: "Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest, fart I can."

Well, that night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary headed for bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him. She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine.

Bill rolls over and says, "Is that you Janet?."

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