Labor Pains

Labor Pains

Once a woman was in labor; she was having a really tough time dealing with the pain. The doctor came to her husband and her and told them of a new experimental drug that allows the woman to transfer 25% of the pain to the father. The husband feels really bad for his wife so he decides they will try it.

The wife takes the pill and a few minutes later the husband says, "I don't feel a thing. You women are babies. Take another pill I can handle this." So the wife takes another pill. Same thing happens. Her husband tells her to take another pill. Same thing. By now she has transferred 75% of her pain to her husband. She is feeling a little pain but her husband is still feeling nothing. He is convinced that women are complete wuses. He tells her, "Take another pill. This isn't hurting me at all. Let me take all the pain away." So she does. Now they are both feeling great.

A few hours later, the wife gives birth to a beautiful baby boy. The next day they take their newborn son home, and there they find the mailman dead on the doorstep.

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The Runt

A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family, a weeping wife and four children. Three of the children are tall, good looking and athletic; but, the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt.

"Darling wife," the husband whispers, "Assure me that the youngest child really is mine. I want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if ..."

The wife gently interrupts him. "Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no question, I swear on my mother's grave that you are his father."

The man then dies, happy. The wife mutters under her breath, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

Where did I come from?

"Daddy, where did I come from?" the seven-year-old asked her father Santa.

It was a moment for which Santa and Jeeto had carefully prepared. They took her into the living room, got out the encyclopedia and several other books, and explained all they thought she should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproductions. Then they both sat back and smiled contentedly.

"Does that answer your question?" Santa asked.

"Not really," the little girl said. "Dolly said she came from Delhi. I want to know where I came from."

Fall asleep

One day, a man went the priest at his church and said, "Priest, my wife keeps falling asleep during your services. I want you to do something about it." The priest thought about it for a little while and took out a huge foot long needle. He said, "Every time your wife falls asleep, I'll wave me hand like this," (waves hand in weird way). "When I do that, I want you to stick the needle in her arm. Then she'll wake up. " The man thought that was a good idea, so he decided to try it out.

On Sunday, he and his wife went to the service. The man was fully confident that his plan would work. During the service, the priest asked questions to the people there. His first question was, "Who is our savior?" At that same time, the man's wife had fallen asleep, and the priest made his hand wave. In response, the man shoved the needle deep into her arm. She woke up screaming, "JESUS!!!" The priest said, "Very good."

The wife didn't know what he was talking about. She was just yelling at how mad and surprised she was. Later in the service, the priest asked, "Who is our redeemer?" At the same time, the wife was asleep, the priest made the hand signal, and the man stabbed his wife with the needle. She woke up screaming, "GOD!!!" The priest said, "Very good." At this point, the wife was extremely pissed off.

The priest asked one more question. As he did this, he waved his hand by mistake, and the man stabbed his wife while she was awake. The priest asked, "What did Eve say to Adam when she gave birth to his 99th child?" As he finished with the question, he heard someone screaming, "IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!!!!!!"

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