Second Wish

Second Wish

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, a small cat jumps up on the stool beside him. The bartender comes over, and asks for their order.

The man says, "I ll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I ll have a beer too" says the ostrich.

The cat says "I ll have a half beer, but I m not paying for it."

The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.

The next day, the man, ostrich and cat come again, and the man says "I ll have a beer," and the ostrich says "I ll have the same," and the cat says "I ll have a half glass of beer but I m not paying for it."

Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the trio enter again.

"The usual?" asks the bartender.

"Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large scotch" says the man. "Same for me" says the ostrich. "I ll have a small scotch but I m not paying for it" says the cat.

"That will be $7.20" says the bartender.

Again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar. The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer.

"Excuse me sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money will always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right! Whether its a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there." says the man.

The bartender asks "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich and the cat?"

The man replies, "My second wish was for a chick with long legs and a tight pussy.

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Labor Pains

Once a woman was in labor; she was having a really tough time dealing with the pain. The doctor came to her husband and her and told them of a new experimental drug that allows the woman to transfer 25% of the pain to the father. The husband feels really bad for his wife so he decides they will try it.

The wife takes the pill and a few minutes later the husband says, "I don't feel a thing. You women are babies. Take another pill I can handle this." So the wife takes another pill. Same thing happens. Her husband tells her to take another pill. Same thing. By now she has transferred 75% of her pain to her husband. She is feeling a little pain but her husband is still feeling nothing. He is convinced that women are complete wuses. He tells her, "Take another pill. This isn't hurting me at all. Let me take all the pain away." So she does. Now they are both feeling great.

A few hours later, the wife gives birth to a beautiful baby boy. The next day they take their newborn son home, and there they find the mailman dead on the doorstep.

The Runt

A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family, a weeping wife and four children. Three of the children are tall, good looking and athletic; but, the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt.

"Darling wife," the husband whispers, "Assure me that the youngest child really is mine. I want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if ..."

The wife gently interrupts him. "Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no question, I swear on my mother's grave that you are his father."

The man then dies, happy. The wife mutters under her breath, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

Where did I come from?

"Daddy, where did I come from?" the seven-year-old asked her father Santa.

It was a moment for which Santa and Jeeto had carefully prepared. They took her into the living room, got out the encyclopedia and several other books, and explained all they thought she should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproductions. Then they both sat back and smiled contentedly.

"Does that answer your question?" Santa asked.

"Not really," the little girl said. "Dolly said she came from Delhi. I want to know where I came from."

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