A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong with her car.

Luckily, this happens to be near a farmhouse.

She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door.

When the farmer answers, she says to him, "Oh, its Sunday night and my car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when I can get some help?"

"Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messin with my sons, Jed and Luke." She looks through the screen door and sees two husky young men standing behind the farmer.

She judges them to be in their early twenties.

"Okay," she says.

After they have gone to bed for the night, the woman begins to get a little excited thinking about the two husky boys in the room next to her.

So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?" They say, "Huh?" She says, "The only thing is, I don't want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these." She puts condoms on the boys and the three of them make love all night long.

Forty years later, Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth.

Jed says, "Luke? You remember that blond woman that came by here about forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?" "Yeah," says Luke, "I remember." "Well, do you care any more if she gets pregnant?" asks Jed. "Nope," says Luke, "I reckon not." "Me, neither," says Jed, "Let's take these things off."

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Second Wish

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, a small cat jumps up on the stool beside him. The bartender comes over, and asks for their order.

The man says, "I ll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I ll have a beer too" says the ostrich.

The cat says "I ll have a half beer, but I m not paying for it."

The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.

The next day, the man, ostrich and cat come again, and the man says "I ll have a beer," and the ostrich says "I ll have the same," and the cat says "I ll have a half glass of beer but I m not paying for it."

Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the trio enter again.

"The usual?" asks the bartender.

"Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large scotch" says the man. "Same for me" says the ostrich. "I ll have a small scotch but I m not paying for it" says the cat.

"That will be $7.20" says the bartender.

Again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar. The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer.

"Excuse me sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money will always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right! Whether its a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there." says the man.

The bartender asks "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich and the cat?"

The man replies, "My second wish was for a chick with long legs and a tight pussy.

Labor Pains

Once a woman was in labor; she was having a really tough time dealing with the pain. The doctor came to her husband and her and told them of a new experimental drug that allows the woman to transfer 25% of the pain to the father. The husband feels really bad for his wife so he decides they will try it.

The wife takes the pill and a few minutes later the husband says, "I don't feel a thing. You women are babies. Take another pill I can handle this." So the wife takes another pill. Same thing happens. Her husband tells her to take another pill. Same thing. By now she has transferred 75% of her pain to her husband. She is feeling a little pain but her husband is still feeling nothing. He is convinced that women are complete wuses. He tells her, "Take another pill. This isn't hurting me at all. Let me take all the pain away." So she does. Now they are both feeling great.

A few hours later, the wife gives birth to a beautiful baby boy. The next day they take their newborn son home, and there they find the mailman dead on the doorstep.

The Runt

A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family, a weeping wife and four children. Three of the children are tall, good looking and athletic; but, the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt.

"Darling wife," the husband whispers, "Assure me that the youngest child really is mine. I want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if ..."

The wife gently interrupts him. "Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no question, I swear on my mother's grave that you are his father."

The man then dies, happy. The wife mutters under her breath, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

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