A little kid of 6 sees two dogs humping in the back garden of his house.

"Dad, what are those two dogs doing?" He enquires.

His dad fumbles with a lame explanation. "Well, the doggie on the back has broken his front legs and the other dogies giving him a lift."

The kid looks for a second and replies "Typical that. Try to help someone out and you end up getting fucked in the arse."

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Paradisal Justice

There men who died the same day were presented before God. The almighty showed particular interest in their sex life. The first one replied that he never had an affair before or after he was married. God granted him a chauffeur-driven Cadillac. The second man admitted he had some affairs before he was married but none afterwards. God gave him an Ambassador car. The third man confessed to having had lots of affairs. God gave him a scooter. A few days later the man with the scooter saw the fellow with the chauffeur-driven Cadillac sitting by the roadside and crying. The scooterist asked him why was he upset.

Replied the Cadillac owner, "I've just seen my wife ride past on a bicycle."

A little too big!

A man enters a restaurant and while sitting at his table, notices a gorgeous woman sitting at another table alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of champagne to be sent over to her -- knowing that if she accepts it, she will be his. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the gentleman. She looks at the champagne and decides to send a note to the man.

The note reads: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million in the bank, and 8 inches in your trousers."

Well, the man, after reading this note, sends one of his own back to her. It reads:

"Just so you know - I have a Mercedes and a BMW, and over TEN million in the bank. But not even for YOU, sweet-heart, would I cut 2 inches off my dick. So send back the bottle."

Let's Play- Old Maid

There were two old-maid sisters ... both virgins.

It's Friday night and Gladys looks at Betty and says, "I'm not going to die a virgin... I'm going out and I'm not coming home until I've been laid!"

Betty says, "Well, make sure you're home by 10 so I don't worry about you."

10 o'clock rolls around and there's no sign of Gladys... 11 o'clock...12 o'clock... Finally about 15 after 1 the front door flies open. In runs Gladys ... straight to the bathroom.

Betty goes and knocks on the door, "Are you okay, Gladys?" No answer, so she opens the door and there sits Gladys with her panties around her ankles, legs spread, and her head stuck between her legs looking at herself. "What is it, Gladys??? What's wrong?" asks Betty.

"Betty, it was 10 inches long when it went in ... and 5 inches when it came out. When I find the other half you're gonna have the time of your life!!!

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