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Long stem...

Long stem...

One day the teacher came to class with a rose placed in her cleavage. She asked, "Can anyone tell me what roses drink? How about you, Jonny?

"Milk!" answered Little Johnny.

"No, I'm sorry. That's the wrong answer. Roses drink water," explained the teacher.

"Wow!" Johnny exclaimed. "I didn't know the stem was that long!"




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Doggy!

A little kid of 6 sees two dogs humping in the back garden of his house.

"Dad, what are those two dogs doing?" He enquires.

His dad fumbles with a lame explanation. "Well, the doggie on the back has broken his front legs and the other dogies giving him a lift."

The kid looks for a second and replies "Typical that. Try to help someone out and you end up getting fucked in the arse."

Paradisal Justice

There men who died the same day were presented before God. The almighty showed particular interest in their sex life. The first one replied that he never had an affair before or after he was married. God granted him a chauffeur-driven Cadillac. The second man admitted he had some affairs before he was married but none afterwards. God gave him an Ambassador car. The third man confessed to having had lots of affairs. God gave him a scooter. A few days later the man with the scooter saw the fellow with the chauffeur-driven Cadillac sitting by the roadside and crying. The scooterist asked him why was he upset.

Replied the Cadillac owner, "I've just seen my wife ride past on a bicycle."

A little too big!

A man enters a restaurant and while sitting at his table, notices a gorgeous woman sitting at another table alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of champagne to be sent over to her -- knowing that if she accepts it, she will be his. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the gentleman. She looks at the champagne and decides to send a note to the man.

The note reads: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million in the bank, and 8 inches in your trousers."

Well, the man, after reading this note, sends one of his own back to her. It reads:

"Just so you know - I have a Mercedes and a BMW, and over TEN million in the bank. But not even for YOU, sweet-heart, would I cut 2 inches off my dick. So send back the bottle."

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