Genetic or environmental??

Genetic or environmental??

Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises.

"How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.

"It's hereditary, Sir," the older one replied.

"I see", said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?"

"No Sir, our mother."

"Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!", told the doctor.

"I know Sir," replied the recruit. "But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could."

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Ready, aim , fire...

Poor Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.

"On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."

Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee.

Thumb sucking!

A girl was at her wit's end trying to stop a 4 year-old nephew, Todd, from sucking his thumb. Finally, she told him if he didn't stop, his stomach would get very big and puffy.

The following Sunday in church, there happened to be a very pregnant lady sitting in the same pew. Todd kept staring at her.

When the service was over, he pulled at her arm and whispered, "Your stomach is big and puffy... I know what you've been doing!"

Damn Yankees...

Three baseball fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk.

Out of respect and propriety, the Cubs fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast.

The Red Sox fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast.

Following their lead, the Yankees fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch.

The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection. First, he lifted up the Cubs cap, replaced it, and wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted the Sox cap, replaced it, and wrote down some more notes. The officer then lifted the Yankees cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced one last time.

The Yankees fan was getting upset and finally asked, "What are you, a pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?

"Well", said the officer, "I am simply surprised. Normally when I look under a Yankees hat, I find an asshole."

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