Weight loss?

Weight loss?

There's this guy who is really fat. He wants to lose some weight, and he sees this ad in the paper that says "weight loss guaranteed", so he calls the number.

The receptionists asks "How much would you like to lose?"

The guy says "20 pounds." She says, "we'll send someone right over."

Ten minutes later a beautiful naked blonde shows up at his door.

He says "who the hell are you?"

She says, "I'm from the weight loss clinic. If you can catch me, you can fuck me.."

The guys says ok... he chases her all around the house, and finally catches her and fucks her, but he's ended up losing the 20 pounds from the effort.

So the next night, he calls the clinic again, and tells the lady he wants to lose 30 pounds.

Another naked woman shows up, tells him to catch her, he chases her, catches her and fucks her, after having lost 30 pounds. Finally, he calls one more time, asks to lose 40 pounds.

The receptionist says "Well.... ok."

The doorbell rings, and at his door is standing a huge gorilla with a sign around its neck.

The sign reads "If I catch YOU, I get to fuck you."

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Bouncing neighbour...

Jimmy had been hearing loud bumping noises coming from his parents room for the last 3 or 4 nights. The next night, the noises started again, so he goes to investigate. Quietly opening his parents bedroom door, he see's his mother bouncing up and down on his father. Quietly, he slips back to bed. The next morning, Jimmy asks his mom why she was bouncing up and down on dads stomach.

Mom thinks for a minute , then tells Jimmy, "It's part of a new diet plan to help dad lose weight."

Jimmy then replies, "I don't think it will work mom".

Mom asks Jimmy, "why not!"

"Because every morning when you leave for work, Mrs. Jones from next door comes over and blows daddy back up!"

What is Sex ??

Small Girl returning from kindergarten

Small Girl - Mother I need to know what is sex?

Mother Taken aback by the question but she does not want to dissappoint the child. So she explains to the girl about sex for about an hour - how baby is created, marriage and making love.

Girl after hearing her mother talk, she starts to cry.

Mother - Why are you crying?

Girl - Mum I don't know how to summerise all that you have said in this application which only has two answers for SEX : MALE / FEMALE.


3 Dogs

3 dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vet's office. One is a Poodle, one is a Schnauzer and the other is a Great Dane.

The Poodle turns to the Schnauzer and asks, "Why are you here?"

The Schnauzer responds, "I'm 17 years old. I don't see or hear very well. I've been having accidents in the house. My owner says I'm too old and sick so he brought me here to be put to sleep."

The Schnauzer asks the poodle, "Why are you here?"

The Poodle responds, "I've not been myself lately. I've been especially high strung. I've been barking all the time, I've been snapping at people and I even bit one of the neighbor's kids. Nobody knows why this has been happening. My owner says he can't risk me biting somebody else so he brought me here to be put to sleep."

The Poodle and Schnauzer ask the Great Dane why he is here.

The Great Dane responds, "My owner is this beautiful ramp model. Yesterday she was walking around the house naked, when she suddenly bent down to pick up something. She bent over and when the animal urge took over and the next thing I know- I'm on top of her doing the doggie thing. I couldn't help myself."

The Poodle asks, "So your owner brought you here to be put to sleep?"

The Great Dane says,"No, my owner model brought me here just to get my nails trimmed."

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