Perfect G'friend

Perfect G'friend

10 qualities of a perfect Girl Friend:


in short T.I.G.H.T. P.U.S.S.Y.

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A guy went out hunting. He had all the gear, the jacket, the boots and the double-barreled shotgun. As he was climbing over a fence, he dropped the gun and it went off, shooting him right through the penis. Obviously, he had to see a doctor.

When he woke up from surgery, he found that the doctor had done a marvelous job repairing it. As he got ready to go home, the doctor gave him a business card.

"This is my brother's card. I'll make an appointment for you to see him."

The guy says, "Is your brother a doctor?"

"No," Doc replies, "he plays the flute. He'll show you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."

How Hell Froze Over

A gay man went to heaven. Saint Peter was waiting for him at the Pearly Gates. After reviewing his records, Saint Peter decided to let him in. "Follow me," he said, opening the gate and walking in.

While walking, Saint Peter's keys accidentally fell on the ground. Unaware, he bent over to pick up the keys. That was something the gay man just couldn't resist, so he jumped on him and did his thing. Saint Peter was furious. "If you do that again, you'll go straight to hell! But follow me, we're almost there."

After some more walking, Peter dropped his keys again, and again, the gay man jumped on him. Saint Peter was even more furious than before, but decided to give the gay guy one last chance.

Again they start walking and for the third time Peter drops his keys, so he bends over and picks them up. The gay guy, having no self-control, jumps on him. Peter is now fed up and sends the gay guy straight to hell.

A few weeks later, Saint Peter goes down to hell for his routine inspection, but this time something is wrong: it's freezing, there is no fire or lava, and in one corner, he finds the devil lying under a stack of blankets freezing his butt off.

"Why is it so goddamn cold down here?" Pete asks.

"Well you just try bending down for firewood!" the devil replied.

Doggy style

A happily married man, one night, asked his wife to have sex "doggy style."

"No!" she said, aghast.

Throughout their long relationship, he would periodically ask her to have sex "doggy style."

She always emphatically said "No!"

Finally, on the man's deathbed, he asked his wife why she refused his simple request to have sex on her hands and knees.

"Hands and knees?" she said, "I thought you meant in the front yard!"

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